


3 is a crowd

by dreamingofsomewhere



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff and Angst, I'm out to break all ur norenmin hearts, Jaemin and Jeno are FWB, M/M, No Smut, Not sure if there will be a happy ending, Underage Drinking, You Have Been Warned, and a long ass ride of a fic, art student renjun, but it gets a little spicy, hyuck and lele in choir, hyung line mentioned, including my own, it's funny but, mark's senioritis is a mood, nomin and jisung on dance team, side chensung, side markhyuck, side markhyuck fluff in ch 11, this is literally a kdrama, way too angst to be crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2019-06-17 13:15:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 26,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15462189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamingofsomewhere/pseuds/dreamingofsomewhere
Summary: "Love triangle? At least you can be happy that it’s not a love square right? You know what Johnny-hyung always says: 'No one wants to be a square!'"Jeno just shook his head in disapproval. Mark is an idiot....A very dramatic fic where sharing Jaemin becomes basically impossible. Or is it?





	1. I liked you first!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics are usually non-narrative thoughts but they're kind of used wherever fitting.  
> Active moving story is always in present tense. Sometimes the same scene is retold from another POV  
> This fic has some really sad moments so please don't expect a super fluffy read but nothing bad to them will happen I promise <3  
> If you're new, then welcome to my long ass fic. The chapters itself are actually pretty short but there are a lot of chapters...

_It all started with that stupid Renjun kid. Everything was going perfect._

Jeno was just about to woo Jaemin once and for all but his plans got so _rekted_ that he couldn’t even claim that he had made any progress at all.  
He thought of fond memories - a time where Jaemin was his and his only.

 

“Stop liking me!”

 

Jeno snapped as Jaemin tried to kiss him on the cheek after dance practice one evening.

 

”You liked me first!”

 

Jeno couldn’t stop blushing the night Jaemin pointed out the obvious. _Jaemin and his stupid mouth… and his pretty smile. It wasn’t even that obvious!_ You see, Jeno couldn’t think straight at all when it came to Jaemin. LITERALLY.

 

***

 

“Nana! What are you doing???”

 

Jeno could feel the younger boy’s breath on his neck. They had just finished dance practice, and were getting ready to go home. However, instead of leaving, Jeno found himself with his back to the lockers, with his best friend inches in front of his face.

 

“Mmm.. calm down, we like each other right?” Jaemin cupped Jeno’s face and inched closer.

 

Jeno could have sworn his heart was going to leap right out of his chest as he put his hands on Jaemin’s waist and pulled him in for a long, tender, passionate ki-

 

***

 

“LEE JENO.”

 

Jeno heard something loudly slapping his desk… and his math teacher’s voice. Jaemin was snickering to his right.

 

“Don’t be rude, we have a new student today. His name is Huang Renjun, and he is from China. Let’s give him a warm welcome!”

 

“Hi everyone! My name is Huang Renjun.. Or Hwang Injoon, whatever you prefer to call me. I hope we can be friends!”

 

 _Wow his Korean is good._ Jeno thought, still half-asleep.

 

“Renjun, please take a seat in front of Na Jaemin. Jaemin, please raise your hand.”

 

Renjun saw a caramel-haired boy enthusiastically raise his hand and smile the prettiest smile he had ever seen in his entire life.

 

 _Wow he must be popular… I don’t like popular._ Renjun just wanted to transfer quietly. He didn’t like attention drawn to himself. _People can be so fake sometimes…_

 

But the smiling boy that sat behind him made staying quiet a lot harder than it should have been.

 

“Renjuuun-ssi- no wait, can I call you Injunnie?”

 

Renjun silently groaned.

 

Jaemin grinned at the new boy, fully aware of the effect he had on people. He just couldn’t resist flirting.

 

“You’re cuteee, you know?” After all, he really thought Renjun was cute.

 

Renjun could feel a blush creeping onto his cheeks.

 

“Um… thanks?” muttered a very flustered Renjun. He swore he could feel something scorching his back right shoulder too.

 

 _Yep. Thank the gods for making life easy.. by sitting me right in front of the school flirt._ Renjun wanted to jump out of the window.

 

Unbeknownst to both Renjun and Jaemin though, was a very jealous Jeno trying to burn holes into Renjun’s shirt by.. Staring too hard??

 

…

 

After math class was lunch. Renjun nearly bolted out of the classroom from the strange tension he was feeling behind him. _The ventilation must be terrible… well I hope the school can at least afford decent cafeteria food._

 

But after a minute or so of speed-walking, Renjun realized he had no idea where the heck the cafeteria even was.

 

A certain caramel-haired boy tapped on his shoulder.

 

“AHHhhh!” Renjun turned to face Jaemin, who looked a little surprised.

 

“Sorry, Injunnie, did I scare you?” Jaemin was grinning.

 

“No, um.. Na Jae-” Renjun was stuttering.

 

“You can just call me Nana~” Jaemin was still grinning.

 

“Uh… I was just going to go to the cafeteria so uh.. I’ll see you later I guess?” Renjun could feel his heart racing way too fast to be safe. _Since when does a boy make him feel this way?? Since when???_

 

“Uh.. the cafeteria is the other way…” Jaemin hid a giggle.

 

_OH C’MON HE EVEN LAUGHS PRETTY ASKLHKLGAGHLD!!?!! Renjun.exe has stopped working._

 

…

 

Jeno was sitting at his usual lunch table, looking more visibly distressed than usual? Nah he was just getting impatient, waiting for his one and only Jaemin. His uncomfortableness unfortunately did not go unnoticed by his friends.

 

“Jeno, is something bothering you?” Jisung, the youngest of the bunch, asked with a concerned expression on his face. “You look constipated..”

 

A loud dolphin laugh echoed in the cafeteria, only partially drowned out by rest of the school.

 

“Ahh Lele-yah you’re too damn loud!!!” yelled Donghyuck, almost as loud, covering his ears.

 

“He’s probably waiting for Jaemin-hyung~” Chenle giggled. Jeno whacked the Chinese boy.

 

“Where is Nana anyway?” Mark asked, scanning the cafeteria.

 

…

 

“Wait.. this is embarrassing but I think I forgot my lunch money at home.” Renjun felt like an idiot. _Gosh if I knew where the cafeteria was I could have avoided this kid and just eaten after school instead and not make a goddamn fool of myself on my freaking first day what the hell ahhhhhh-_

 

“It’s okay Injunnie~ You can share my lunch with me!”

 

“Um.. thank you .. Jaemin-ssi”

 

“I told you to just call me Nana~ Now where do you want to eat?”

 

“Can we go somewhere quiet? I don’t really like noise.”

 

“I know just the place!”

 

Jaemin took Renjun by the wrist, gently, and led him up the stairwell to the roof. A cool breeze grazed over the rooftop.

 

“Wow you can see my house from here!” Renjun exclaimed. “The view is amazing!”

 

Jaemin laughs. “Yea, I always go here when I want to get away from everything.”

 

Renjun looked a little confused. “Wait.. aren’t you _popular_ though?”

 

“Yea.. kind of. But people can be so fake sometimes.. You know? Sometimes I just like to have some time alone.”

 

“Oh. I get what you mean.” Renjun smiled.

 

“Having you here is nice too though~” Jaemin smirked. “What made you think I was popular?”

 

Renjun blushed again. “Um… you’re really.. uh… good-looking.”

 

“I get that a lot, but I like it more when _you’re_ the one saying it! Hey, Injunnie, let’s eat!”

 

Jaemin insisted on feeding Renjun, and Renjun was not complaining.

 

…

 

Jeno still had no idea where the hell Jaemin went during lunch but he did know one thing. He was jealous. He was jealous of his Jaemin flirting with another guy right in front of him. _A guy he barely knew at that._ They weren’t exactly dating but.. whatever they were, Jeno didn’t like the idea of sharing his best friend. So after dance practice that evening, Jeno was the one to pin Jaemin to the lockers this time.

 

“Wow Jeno-yah, so aggressive today!” Jaemin teased with a playful tone in his voice.

 

Jeno didn’t respond immediately, instead unbuttoning the first few buttons of Jaemin’s shirt and tracing kisses up his neck.

 

“Why are you so friendly with that new kid hm? Trying to make me jealous? Well it’s not working!”

 

“Mm.. feisty aren’t we?” Jaemin ran his fingers through Jeno’s hair. Jeno softly nibbled on Jaemin’s neck, purposely leaving as many hickeys as possible.

 

“Where the hell did you even go at lunch? I think you’re being naughty and need to be punished!” Jaemin giggled at that remark. Their makeout session lasted for another 5-6 minutes until Jaemin suddenly spats out “OH SHIT I HAVE A TEST TOMORROW. We should head home!”

 

Jeno usually walked home with Jaemin after practice each day. They lived in the same neighborhood and were childhood best friends, so it only made sense.

 

“I think it totally worked! You were literally trying to mark me your territory or something!” teased Jaemin as he pointed to the obvious bruises on his neck.

 

“Shut up, Nana. I hate you.” Jeno rolled his eyes.

 

“Aw you know you love me!” Jaemin giggled.

 

“Yea, I love you.” Jeno sighed in relief.

 

However, when he got home, a terrifying realization crept into his head. _Was Jaemin with Huang Renjun at lunch?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My notes are kinda weird tbh   
> Cross-published on wattpad but no one notices me on there so i stopped trying to update it  
> You can follow/dm me on ig @dreamingofsomewhere if you wanna chat or yell at me <3


	2. what a mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Jaemin-ah, why do you have so much food today?” 
> 
> “Eh, I didn’t eat breakfast so I’m extra hungry today. Aww! Did you want some of my homemade cooking too? How cute~” Jaemin took out a potsticker from one of the boxes and fed it to Jeno.
> 
> Jeno however, was not amused nor convinced.

That night Jeno dreamt of Jaemin. _With Renjun. Jaemin eating lunch with Renjun, sharing his food._

His suspicions were further elevated when Jaemin brought an extra packed lunch.

 

...

 

“Jaemin-ah, why do you have so much food today?”

 

“Eh, I didn’t eat breakfast so I’m extra hungry today. Aww! Did you want some of my homemade cooking too? How cute~” Jaemin took out a potsticker from one of the boxes and fed it to Jeno.

 

Jeno, however, was neither amused nor convinced.

 

...

 

The following night after that too: something about Jaemin marrying Renjun and asking him to be their best man. _How horrifying._

 

Jaemin kept vanishing after their shared Math class. _His dreams probably weren’t that far from reality, right?_

 

By the 3rd day after Renjun transferred, Jeno couldn’t focus at all during math. All he could think about were his dreams of Renjun and Jaemin together with himself _no where in the picture._ And it certainly didn’t help that Jaemin kept poking Renjun’s back with a pencil, causing Renjun to yelp and Jeno himself to glare harder into the poor Chinese boy’s shoulder.

 

…

 

Oh how Jeno dreaded lunch. Jeno went to the washroom to wash his steaming face. Jeno must’ve of looked worried or “constipated” (as Jisung put it) because Mark asked him what the hell has been bothering him lately.

 

“Do you know a Huang Renjun?”

 

“Yea… Chenle said something about a Chinese kid in his gym class.. I think his name was Renjun or Runjung or Injoon or something like that, why?”

 

“I think Jaemin likes him…”

 

“Whoa are you jealous?”

 

“I mean… I don’t know if I even have the right to be jealous.. We aren’t even dating.”

 

“You should just tell him how you feel, Jeno-yah.”

 

“Thanks Mark-hyung!”

 

“Oh by the way.. Can you send me the science homework? I was too lazy to do it~”

 

“Senioritis already? School has barely started” Jeno laughed.

 

Jeno was feeling a bit better. After all, he and Jaemin were childhood friends. They have been together since forever. He basically had the upper hand against Huang Renjun. His mood began to improve until..

 

_What the f---???_

 

Jaemin had brought Renjun to their table.

 

“Hey guys! This is Huang Renjun! He just transferred here so let’s make him feel welcome~” he says, as he sits next to Jisung and motions for Renjun to sit down next to him.

 

Chenle and Renjun mouth a “hi” at each other.

 

“Uh… so.. uh… we have math together??” Jeno politely asks, even though he already knows the answer to his own question. _What a stupid ass question..._

 

“Ye-yea..”

 

“...”

 

“...”

 

“AHEM.. awKwaRd!” Donghyuck pretends to clear his throat. Mark punches him. Donghyuck acts shocked, grabbing Mark’s arm and playfully shaking it.

 

“Hyuuung! That hurt,” he says, pouting.

 

The rest of lunch involved Chenle complaining about some girl being annoying in choir, while Markhyuck continued their “fighting.” Neither Jaemin or Jeno said much to the other. Jaemin just smiled his usual grin at Jeno and Jeno tried his best to not react to Jaemin’s gaze occasionally drifting… _Is he staring at Renjun’s lips??????_

 

_Awkward it was indeed._

 

…

 

“Mmm”

 

“Hey Jaemin I have something to tell you.” Jeno mutters. They are alone in the locker room again.

 

“Hm? More kissing less talking~” Jaemin whines.

 

“No it’s um.. Been bugging me for a while.” Jeno was determined to follow Mark’s advice and confess once and for all. He couldn’t risk delaying his confession any longer.. Not when Renjun is basically pining after _his_ Jaemin.

 

“Hm? Just say it so we can get back to-” Jaemin is cut off by a stuttering Jeno.

 

“I actually… um… I have feelings for you-- like more than a friend! I’ve liked you for a really long time, Jaemin-ah!” Jeno holds his breath, waiting for a reaction from the younger boy.

 

“...”

 

Jaemin’s face is blank.

 

“Y-you don’t remember?”

 

“Huh? What do you mean?” Jeno is genuinely confused.

 

“You said we would end this once one of us fell in love .. right?”

 

Jeno couldn’t believe his ears.

 

“...”

 

“I thought you liked me…?” Jeno could feel his heart about to shatter. _It hurts..._

 

“I do… it’s just..”

 

“What?” _Just say it. You’re in love with Huang Renjun. Spit it out._

 

“I think I might also like someone else… and I don’t want a relationship to ruin our friendship..”

 

_Which one is it really? Jaemin?_

 

“I want to end this. I’m sorry.” Jaemin pushes Jeno away and starts running out the locker room.

 

Tears start uncontrollably falling down Jeno’s face. “Nana! Wait!”

 

Jeno grabs Jaemin’s hand and forces himself to make eye contact. Jaemin’s eyes are watery.

 

“Can I have one last kiss?” Jeno pleads. _Just one last time… I love you._

 

“Alright.” Jaemin’s voice sounded hesitant for a second.

 

The “one last kiss” became more than just one last kiss, as Jaemin backed up against the lockers in the school hallway, his hands around Jeno’s shoulders, pulling the boy in closer.

 

…

“Jeno-yah! Kiss me harder!”

 

"Why are you so demanding???" Jeno asks in between breaths.

 

Footsteps echo in the hallway, but neither Jaemin or Jeno notice, until a sharp inhale of breath was heard.

 

Jaemin’s eyes go wide. “Injunnie????”

 

Renjun was crying. Tears streaked his face as he processed the image before him.  _How could I have been so dumb? How can someone as pretty as Na Jaemin be single? Why is life just so f---ing cruel to me?_

 

“Wait! Renjun-ah!” Jaemin shouts after the running boy.

 

Renjun didn’t even look back as he ran. He saw something he shouldn’t have. He felt played, betrayed, confused.. Selfish even. _Jaemin isn’t my boyfriend. I don’t have a right to be sad, right?_

 

Jaemin didn’t run after Renjun. He just fell to his knees and started sobbing into Jeno’s arms. Jeno had never felt his heart break so badly in his life. It was like something stabbed him and then broke into a million pieces that pierced his chest even more. Sure, it hurt when Jaemin told him he wanted to end things but...

 

It hurt a lot worse to see the boy he loved break down completely.

 

Because he knew he was the cause.

 

...

 

Jeno couldn’t sleep that night.

 

“You said we would end this once one of us fell in love .. right?” Jaemin’s voice hauntingly replayed in his head.

 

_Then this would have ended a long time ago.. Or never have even started. I really do love you…_

 

_Am I selfish to love you because I thought you loved me too?_

 

...

 

Next day, Jaemin didn’t come to school. He also apparently bawled over text to Donghyuck because the next day, Jeno was being bombarded with questions. Chenle also noticed that Renjun didn’t come to school either. So… Jeno was really in for it.

 

As he started to explain the situation though… He began to cry.

 

“Nana.. ended things…” Jeno mumbles as he let out a huge sniffle.

 

Mark, attempting to lighten the mood, says “Love triangle? At least you can be happy that it’s not a _love square_ right? You know what Johnny-hyung always says: ‘No one wants to be a square!’”

 

Jeno just shook his head in disapproval. _Mark is an idiot._

 

Tears were still forming.

 

"Oh my god" 

 

A sudden noise startles him.  _Jisung?_

 

“WAIT SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. YOU AND JAEMIN HAVE BEEN A THING FOR LIKE 3 MONTHS AND NONE OF US KNEW??????” Jisung shrieks.

 

Jisung looks at Chenle and Chenle looks at Jisung and both began to scream but Donghyuck glares at them so they silently scream instead, with their mouths open wide.

 

"It's Jaemin-hyung, Jisung-ah." frowns Mark.

 

_Nevermind. They are all idiots. Bless Hyuck though._

 

…

_*Knock knock*_

 

“Nana you have to stop crying! Open the door!” Jaemin’s mom had let Jeno in, telling him to please go cheer her son up. Jaemin had apparently been non-stop bawling all day, refusing to eat.

 

“Jeno? Goo awaaaay I don’t want to see you” Jaemin wails.

 

Jeno had only seen Jaemin cry twice. Once was yesterday, and the other was when he skid his knee while riding a hoverboard when they were little kids. Jeno was not looking forward to seeing his beloved Jaemin cry a third time.

 

“Nana? Are you still crying?” To Jeno’s surprise though, Jaemin was not crying.

 

“I cried so much that I ran out of tears to cry…” Jaemin’s eyes are red and his face is puffy.

 

“Jaemin-ah… I… I’m so sorry.” Jeno apologizes, not knowing what else to say.

 

“What are you sorry for?”

 

“About Huang Renjun… I guess I’m sorry for having feelings for you and for being selfish and not listening to how you fee-”

 

“Shh..” Jeno is shut up by a kiss.. A bit dry but still warm and comforting. Jaemin’s kisses have always had a soothing effect on him.

 

“Jeno-yah? Can we give.. You know.. _Us_ a shot?”

 

"..."

 

"..."

 

“I would like that.”

 

…

 

That night, Chenle gets a text from an unknown number.

 

**From: Huang Renjun**

 

Hey sorry if this is creepy but I found ur number in the school directory!

 

Uhhhh.. Who is this?

 

Oo sorry! This is Renjun btw

 

**Set contact name to Huang Renjun?**

 

Hey! What’s up?

 

Just a dumb question… Are Lee Jeno and Na Jaemin dating?

 

Um.. It’s complicated. But I’m pretty sure they’re just like..

Fwb I guess

 

Oh

I thought I like

Just destroyed a relationship or something

 

Yea no, they r def not dating

 

Mmk

Thanks so much for your help!

Gn!

 

Wait

Help for what?

Renjun-hyung

Do you like Nana-hyung?

What?

Renjunnnnn-hyung?

Hyung?

Oh no what have I done.

Sent 12:06 AM


	3. But this mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Moooom! I’m not going to school today! I don’t feel so well!” Renjun pulled his Moomin covers over his head as his mom walked in. After his mom left, Renjun ran back to the window.
> 
> Jaemin was walking away sadly, looking at the ground. Was he crying?

Jeno had never meant to say that he wanted things to end as soon as one of them fell in love. It sort of just came out like that. He was just scared of losing his best friend. He knew he had feelings for him and that they were reciprocated.

 

***

 

“Stop liking me!”

 

Jeno snapped as Jaemin tried to kiss him on the cheek after dance practice one evening.

 

”You liked me first!”

 

“You’re too close!” Jeno turned his head away from Jaemin’s.

 

“You talk too much!” Jaemin was grinning as he laced his fingers between Jeno’s.

 

Jeno could feel his heartbeat increasing.

 

“Nana! What are you doing???” Jaemin moved closer and closer to Jeno, until Jeno’s back touched the lockers. He put a hand next to Jeno’s face, trapping him there.

 

Jeno could feel the younger boy’s breath on his neck. His body was warm from dancing, and he shivered slightly at the cold lockers in contact with his back.

 

“Mmm.. calm down, we like each other right?” Jaemin hands cupped Jeno’s face and the distance between their faces closed.

 

 _I’ve wanted this for a really long time._ Jeno secured his hands on Jaemin’s waist, pulling the younger boy closer.  _Our friendship won’t change because of one little kiss right?_

 

“Mmm..” Jaemin’s mouth was soft and warm, just like how he imagined it. Jeno gently slid his hands under Jaemin’s shirt, indulging in the soft moans coming from the boy on top of him.

 

“Hey Nana?” Jeno managed to slip in between breaths.

 

“Hm?” Jaemin seemed quite distracted, his hands continuing to rub Jeno's back.

 

“If one of us falls in love with someone else, do you think we can go back to just being friends?”

 

“Of course, now kiss me~” 

 

What Jeno meant to say was “if we fell in love with _each other, would things change?"_  But how was he supposed to know Jaemin would actually remember what he said?

 

***

 

*RING RING RING*

 

Jeno wakes up feeling more refreshed than he had been all week. _Thank God._ He finally did not dream about Renjun and Jaemin together. Annnnd the best part was that he was now dating his best friend!  _They were dating, right?_

 

…

 

Jisung was basically sleepwalking to school when he hears a screaming dolphin in the distance.

 

‘JISUUUNNGG PWAAAAARKKKKKK” A wild Chenle is suddenly sprinting towards him. _It’s too damn early in the morning for this._

 

“Lele? What’s up? You look excited..” Jisung begins to doze off again until he feels himself violently being shaked.

 

“NO I’M NOT I’M FREAKING OUT!” 

 

“Huh?” Chenle stops shaking the taller boy.

 

“I may or may not have told Renjun-hyung it was okay to pursue Jaemin-hyung.”

 

...

 

In math Jeno and Jaemin were constantly smiling while staring at each other. Renjun, sitting in front of them, of course had no idea. Jaemin thought Renjun was still sad/mad, so he didn’t want to bother him.

 

But he couldn’t help feeling bad about .. well.. leading Renjun on?

 

_It wasn’t like I was dating Jeno.. at least not in the moment he saw us. Are we even dating? Not while I was flirting was him either… Did I really do anything wrong? I didn’t but... He looked really sad though…_

 

Jaemin made eye contact with Jeno for maybe the 30th time that class, never failing to grin.

 

_Why do I keep thinking about Injunnie when I have Jeno? Am I in love with Renjun? No.. I’m in love with Jeno. I just feel bad about it that’s all. Renjun hates me anyway. I can't lose my best friend too..._

 

Renjun didn’t turn around during the entire class period. 

 

…

 

Lunchtime, Donghyuck was droning on about a story about Mark - he was _always_ talking about Mark. Mark had decided to take French his senior year for elective credits, (It seemed like less work than a creative writing class; what do people even do in a creative writing class? _Write fanfiction?_ ) since the Canadian boy was already fluent in English and people spoke French in Canada so why not?

 

“He accidentally said ‘che swiss excité pwor less vacances’ and it means ‘I’m _aroused_ for vacation!’” says a grinning Donghyuck, randomly exposing his best friend. “I heard the news in choir!”

 

_That was why not._

 

“It’s ‘Je suis excité pour les vacances’ and shut up Hyuck you can’t even speak English correctly!” _Geez it wasn’t that grave of a mistake. Any beginner could have easily thought excité was a cognate for excited..._

 

Mark glares at Donghyuck, who just shrugs it off and says “Oh Canada!” pretending to look annoyed.

 

Jaemin and Jisung burst into a fit of giggles. However, Chenle looked distracted the entire time.

 

“Oh hey Lele!”

 

 _Wait.. is that…_ Jeno was actually laughing along until something completely unexpected happens.

 

Renjun kisses Jaemin… right in front of his eyes. _Oh my god is this another nightmare?_

 

“You know, I’ve been thinking… I love you too so.. So don’t be sad anymore I hate seeing you sad!” Renjun seems amused with himself.

 

Jaemin’s jaw drops wide in shock.

 

Jeno thinks he's still dreaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People actually still accidentally say "aroused" in AP French (5th year French) lol  
> Next chapter clarifies why the hell Renjun thought that would be a good idea hehehe


	4. Only gets messier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renjun didn’t feel anyone or anything poke him from behind that day. He didn’t feel an intense burning sensation on his shoulder either.
> 
> Something felt off. But Renjun didn’t know what. All he knew was that he had to make things right.

 

_Why does the world hate me so much? I just had to go pick up art supplies from my locker. Wait shit… I forgot to pick them up._

 

The night after Renjun had seen Jeno and Jaemin making out Renjun just wanted to be alone and sob. He skipped dinner and went straight to his room, burying his head in his pillow.

 

_*bzzz*_

 

Renjun felt his bed vibrate. He picked up his phone and groaned.

 

_But a certain Na Jaemin wouldn’t leave him alone._

 

**From: Nana </3**

Injunnie?

Hey

Please respond to me

I’m begging u :(((((((((

 

**Change Contact Nana <3 to Nana </3?**

 

Ugh why did I even give you my number

You played me.

 

No he just shoved me against the lockers

We had a thing together

 

Are you still together?

 

It was a long time ago

I already ended it

u have to believe me

 

…

I don’t know how to believe you anymore.

I’ve been trying to avoid him for a while

That’s why I was eating with u

 

So I’m just his replacement now?

 

It’s not like that!

I really like hanging out with u!

 

…

 

I couldn’t avoid him constantly bc we r both on dance

He didn’t know bc i didn’t tell him

That I have feelings for u

I love you Huang Renjun…

Can we still be friends?

 

U know what

Just give me some time to get over it

 

Okay :’(

Gn 

Read at 12:03 AM

 

...

 

Renjun woke up the next morning with a headache. He couldn’t sleep very well with the image of Lee Jeno pining Jaemin to the lockers burned into his mind.

 

The first thing Renjun saw when he got up to open his blinds was Jaemin pacing around in front of his house. _Why did I tell him where I live too?? This boy will be the death of me I swear..._

 

“Moooom! I’m not going to school today! I don’t feel so well!” Renjun lept back onto his bed and pulled his Moomin covers over his head just as his mom walked in. After his mom left, Renjun ran back to the window.

 

Jaemin was walking away sadly, looking at the ground. _Was he crying?_

 

Renjun spent the rest of his afternoon sitting on his bed doodling his feelings away, a small pile of crumpled sketches building near the trash can by his desk.

 

…

 

That night Renjun texted Chenle, against his better judgement. He needed to find out if Jaemin was telling the truth. He pulled out the school directory he had received a couple of days ago from under his bed and flipped to the last few pages. He quickly located the Z’s and started writing a text.

 

**To: Zhong Chenle**

**Set contact name to Zhong Chenle?**

 

Hey sorry if this is creepy but I found ur number in the school directory!

Sent 11:58 PM

 

_Goddammit that was definitely creepy._

 

…

 

Yet admittedly, Renjun did feel a lot better after texting Chenle.

 

_Friends with benefits.. So it’s not romantic right? And it was in the past. If what Jaemin was saying was true then…_

 

_He wasn’t trying to play me after all. What’s that guy Lee Jeno’s problem anyway? Jaemin obviously doesn’t want him anymore._

 

Renjun shut off his phone, and missed the string of texts that Chenle desperately had sent. He closed his eyes and wondered why he didn’t just confess to Jaemin earlier. Then he wouldn’t have seen Jaemin kis- _Jeno kissing Jaemin in the school hallway._

 

Renjun dreamt of Jaemin and strawberries.

 

***

Jaemin and Renjun were sitting at the usual rooftop spot during lunch. Jaemin had brought potstickers for lunch and strawberries with whipped cream for dessert.

 

“Injunnie! Say ‘ahhhhh’!” Jaemin held up a strawberry dipped in whipped cream in front of Renjun’s mouth. The boy quickly ate it, taking the stem out of his mouth.

 

“Oops, you got a little on your mouth!” Jaemin used his finger to wipe the cream on Renjun’s lips, his eyesight never leaving where his fingers were touching.

 

Renjun, blushing, took a swipe of whipped cream and plopped it right on Jaemin’s nose.

 

“Jaeminnie~ “ Renjun cooed. “You have something on your nose!”

 

Jaemin giggled. “Jaeminnie? I like that.”

 

“Yea?”

 

“Yea, no one except you calls me that. It’s cute!”

 

Renjun’s eyes lit up as Jaemin puts his arm around him. Renjun leaned his head on Jaemin’s shoulder.

 

“Injunnie?”

 

“Hm?” Renjun looked up.

 

“I really like you.”

 

"You still have whip on your nose!" 

 

"Guess you could say that I'm really whipped for you!" Renjun laughed.  _Oh God he is so cheesy._

 

***

 

The next morning, Renjun’s pleasant dream ended and he was faced with blunt reality. When Renjun walked into math the next morning, Jaemin refused to make eye contact with him.

 

_His eyes are puffy.. So he really does feel bad.. Hmmm…_

 

Renjun hadn't felt anyone or anything poke him from behind that day. He hadn't felt an intense burning sensation on his shoulder either.

 

 _Something felt off._ But Renjun didn’t know what. All he knew was that he had to make things _right_.

 

…

 

Renjun knew exactly how he wanted to make things right too.  _All that thinking about Jeno kissing Jaemin had made him wonder what Jaemin's lips actually taste like._

 

He had been roaming the cafeteria for the first 10 minutes of lunch.

 

“Oh hey Lele!” Renjun said as he finally located the group’s table, first catching sight of the blond boy, then shifting his gaze towards a certain caramel-haired Na Jaemin.

 

“Mmmph..” A small sound escaped from his lips as he pressed his mouth against Jaemin’s and wrapped his arms around the boy’s shoulders. It was a short kiss, but it sent sparks all over his body.

 

“You know, I’ve been thinking… I love you too so.. So don’t be sad anymore I hate seeing you sad!” Renjun smiled, satisfied with himself.

 

Jaemin’s jaw was dropped in shock. Hyuck’s jaw was dropped too.

 

Jeno looked like he was in a daze.

 

Chenle and Jisung looked at each other wide-eyed.

 

Mark nearly choked on his pizza.

 

“... Jaeminnie? Why aren’t you saying anything~” Renjun asks in a playful tone. “Was the kiss _that_ bad?”

 

That seemed to pull Jaemin out of his shock. “N-No! It was.. it  wasn’t bad at all Injunnie! I uh… I just…” For once, it's Jaemin who's too flustered to speak. “I-”

 

“He’s dating me now, Renjun-ssi.” Jeno is now out of his trance, visibly infuriated.

 

Chenle lets out an audible “f---.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dramatic irony is our friend :')  
> Also Renjun changing Jaemin's contact name is super petty :))
> 
> I think it's clear but  
> In case anyone is still confused about the timeline  
> 1\. Renjun catches nomin making out  
> 2\. Jaemin texts Renjun (Nana you liar D:)  
> 3\. Jaemin shows up at Renjun's house the next morning  
> 4\. Jeno shows up at Jaemin's house  
> 5\. Renjun texts Chenle  
> 6\. Renjun kisses Jaemin in front of everyone
> 
> I really like the next chapter btw


	5. I will just hold you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Jaemin-hyung? Are you okay?” Jisung asks. Jaemin had been messing up moves in their routine, occasionally bumping into other members. 
> 
> Jaemin nods his head and puts on a meek smile.

_64? Shit._

 

Today was not a good day for Na Jaemin.

 

Jaemin stared at the Chemistry test he took a couple days ago.. the test he was supposed to be studying for instead of making out with a certain Lee Jeno. Not that a couple extra minutes of studying would have changed anything. 

 

_Today was a really shitty day._

 

He had to see Renjun in math too.

 

Jaemin didn’t like to cry in front of other people. He liked to be this bubbly ball of sunshine that everyone liked to have around. No one wanted to be around him when he was weak, except Jeno.

 

_People are so fake. They want nothing to do with you once you are of no use to them._

 

But he didn’t want Jeno to see him hurting. He wanted to be the one that everyone depended on, the one to make everyone else happy. So he put on his best fake smile when Jeno looked at him and sighed when Jeno wasn’t looking. He didn’t want Renjun to see him hurting either. So Jaemin didn’t dare look Renjun in the eye as Renjun sat down in front of him.

 

 _I guess I’m fake just like the others._ Jaemin groans in his head.

 

His day only got worse.

 

…

 

“What?” It was Renjun’s turn to be in shock.

 

“I said, Jaemin’s dating me now,” Jeno repeats firmly.

 

_It was at this moment that Jaemin knew he had f---ed up._

 

“We are _not_ dating!” he snaps. Jaemin could feel his adrenaline pumping. He became visibly tense, his heartbeat racing.

 

All eyes are on Renjun, who was still holding onto Jaemin’s shoulders.

 

Renjun did not like being the center of attention. He could feel stares piercing right through him, like gunshots, bullets leaving trails of burning sensations that radiate through his entire body. One particular gaze felt like it was ripping him apart.

 

But Renjun’s eyes fixate on Jaemin’s, whose eyes were blank, with no emotion at all. Renjun could feel the blood draining from his face - a cooling sensation that prickled his skin.

 

“I-I should go!” Renjun retracts his arms from Jaemin’s shoulder and runs as fast as he could out of the cafeteria.

 

Jaemin, after processing what had happened, immediately stands up.

 

“Jaemin-ah! Wait!” Jeno stands up too, grabbing Jaemin by the wrist.

 

“...” Jaemin turns to face Jeno. “Let me go! Haven’t you done enough damage already?”

 

“Oh,” Jeno’s face hardens.

 

Jaemin realizes what he had just said and turns away. _Angry? Scared? Ashamed?_ He didn’t know.

 

_I need to get out of here._

 

Tears threaten to fall. Jaemin shuts his eyes as hard as he could and runs out the cafeteria to the rooftop, wishing on all the wells of the world that Renjun would be there.

 

Shouts from his friends could be heard behind him as he ran.

 

…

 

Renjun was not there.

 

…

 

“Jaemin-hyung? Are you okay?” Jisung asks. Jaemin had been messing up moves in their routine, occasionally bumping into other members.

 

Jaemin nods his head and puts on a meek smile.

 

Jeno, on the other hand, skipped practice altogether.

 

After dance ended Jaemin cried alone in the locker room. It began to rain. Jaemin didn’t mind though. It obscured the tears streaming down his face.

 

_And it served him right anyway._

 

...

 

“Nana? What are you doing here?”

 

Jeno looked surprised when he saw Jaemin at his doorstep. The boy was soaked, his hair messy and sticking to his forehead. Jaemin, seeming to take notice of the state his hair was in, raked a hand through it, combing it back and to the side.

 

 _F---. He looks hot._ Jeno couldn’t help but think. He knew that the younger didn’t mean to say those hurtful words to him. _Jaemin has a habit of bottling things in until he explodes. I’m definitely angry and hurt by what he said, but that doesn’t mean I’ll let him freeze out here in this rain..._

 

“Hey, um did you talk to Hu-”

 

“Mmm” Jeno is cut off by a kiss, and forgets why he was even angry in the first place.

 

Jaemin’s arms wrap around his shoulders, hands caressing the hair at the back of his neck. When they separate for air, Jeno is grinning. He shuts the door as Jaemin steps inside the house, kicking off his soggy shoes. Jeno leads Jaemin up to his bedroom and motions for him to sit down. He grabs a towel, tosses it to Jaemin, and starts rummaging through his closet.

 

“Jeno-yah.. When I said that I wanted to give us a ch-” Jaemin’s mumbling is cut off as Jeno tosses him a change of clothes.

 

“There. I didn’t want you to catch a cold~” Jeno turns to grin at the boy. “Now sorry, what did you say?”

 

_I just didn’t want to lose you, Jeno._

 

Jaemin decides not to press the matter further. He puts on Jeno’s shirt and climbs under the covers.

 

“Nevermind.” _Jeno’s clothes and bed smell like him._ “Thanks for letting me in,” he mumbles.

 

Jeno joins Jaemin under the covers and pulls the boy closer. He rolls himself on top of Jaemin and starts trailing kisses up his neck only to realize that the younger boy wasn’t that into it.

 

“Mm.. not today. I’m tired.” Jaemin shyly looks away. “Long day.”

 

Jeno instead presses a kiss to Jaemin’s forehead and rolls off of him.

 

“Sleep well, Nana. I love you,” he whispers, instinctively rubbing small circles on Jaemin’s back.

 

Jaemin doesn’t understand what he wants anymore. He doesn’t understand _who he wants anymore either._ Jaemin snuggles closer to Jeno, drawing in the other boy’s warmth. The sound of rain hitting the windows lulls them to sleep.

 

 _I must be the most selfish person in the world._ Jaemin thought as he dozed off, trying to forget about the throbbing pain in his heart.

 

_Thank god it was a Friday._

 

…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nomin nation rejoice.. While you still can >:))
> 
> Idk, who are you guys rooting for? I'm still deciding xD


	6. I like it when we get closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey this kind of reminds me of you,” Jaemin said, holding the toy close to his chest.
> 
> “What are you implying? It doesn’t look like me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was not intended to be tooth-rotting fluff but renmin shippers this one is for you <3  
> I'm trying to be as dramatic as possible shhh let's just say this chapter is an anomaly

*Ding Dong*

 

“Jaemin?”

 

Saturday morning Renjun groggily opened his door after hearing the doorbell ring for possibly the 10th time. His parents had left earlier in the morning to go shopping. Unfortunately, that meant no one was left to guard him from the _hazard_ at his doorstep.  

 

“Hi!” Jaemin was standing there with a bouquet of flowers, grinning at him. _What the.._

 

Renjun’s heart used to flutter at the mere thought of Jaemin liking him back. _I mean, it was pretty obvious. The boy was practically flirting with me every time he saw me._

 

He felt special, the way Jaemin treated him and looked at him on that rooftop like he was the only other person in the whole world. Jaemin simply adored him. Renjun couldn’t remember the last time he felt this way.. _Had he ever felt this way? He was in love.. in love with the boy standing cheerfully at his doorstep. From his charming smile to the way he’d pout when Renjun didn’t entertain his flirting to his strangely delicious cooking- wait..._ _I knew it, those potstickers were the packaged ones from the supermarket. Well I have to give the boy credit for the effort thou-_

 

_“He’s dating me, Renjun-ssi.”_

 

Jeno’s voice played in his head, intruding on his monologue _._

 

Those words made it a lot harder for him to continue feeling special. _Just what was that boy to Jaemin?_

 

“That's a nice color on you.” Renjun says, in order to break the awkward silence, gesturing to Jaemin’s orange shirt.

 

“Uh thanks?” Jaemin slightly frowns, feeling a bit guilty about showing up to Renjun’s doorstep in one of Jeno’s shirts. Jaemin honestly doesn’t remember which clothes are his or Jeno’s. _They’ve spent way too many nights at each other’s houses._

 

“These are for you,” Jaemin grins, still beaming as he hands the flowers to Renjun.

 

“Um.. thanks? They’re lovely...” Renjun had no idea how to respond after Friday’s fiasco. _What the hell is Jaemin doing with me when he has Jeno? I’m so confused!!!_

 

“Injunnie? Can I take you out on a date~”

 

“Where to?” Renjun places the flowers down on the dining table, after failing to locate a vase.

 

“Anywhere you want to go!” Jaemin steps inside the house, sitting on a stool near the shoe cabinet.

 

“Well.. there was this art museum exhibit I wanted to go check out.”

 

“Sounds cool. Just like you~”

 

Renjun was confused as hell but he sure wasn’t going to refuse. The boy was being heart-wrenchingly sweet. _And who in their right mind could resist that smile of his?_

 

“Uh… let me get changed..” Renjun starts heading up the stairs. Jaemin stands up and calls after him.

 

“Why? You look perfect right now!”

 

“Jaemin, I’m in my pajamas.” Renjun looks down at his light blue Moomin pajamas and immediately feels embarrassed.

 

Jaemin laughs and sits back down.

 

A couple minutes later, Renjun returns in a pastel pink t-shirt and blue jeans. Jaemin looks him up and down once and grins.

 

“Ready to go?”

 

“Y-yea.” Renjun could feel his face burning. _Did he just check me out??_

 

…

 

CLOSED FOR RENOVATION

 

The art museum was not open. Renjun could feel his face burning up again. _How embarrassing. Why does life hate me so much?_

 

“Sorry…”

 

“What are you apologizing for? It’s not your fault they aren’t open today!” Jaemin spits out. He could sense the disappointment in Renjun’s voice. _Hmm.. he really did want to see that exhibit. I wonder how I can cheer him up._

 

A colorful flyer catches Jaemin’s eye.

 

“Hey look! The fair is in town!”

 

…

 

After seeing that the museum was closed, Renjun wasn’t expecting to enjoy himself. The fair wasn’t exactly his idea of fun - loud noises, long lines, crowds of people, children running around screaming their heads off - but he found himself having a good time anyway. He was immersed in Jaemin’s childlike laughter, holding his hand and dragging him on every ride in existence.

 

“Oh no I am NOT going on that.”

 

“C’mon Injunnie it’ll be fuuun! Look how high it goes!” Jaemin points excitedly to what Renjun thought was the highest darn roller coaster he had ever seen. Renjun could feel his legs turning to jelly.

 

“That’s exactly why it won’t be fun,” Renjun mutters as he lets out a gulp. He lets Jaemin pull him to the line for the roller coaster anyway, secretly screaming like a 2 year-old inside.

 

…

 

“You should’ve seen your face! You looked like you were getting your wisdom teeth removed without anesthesia or something!”

 

Renjun groans. _Why the hell did I agree to go on that._

 

“No seriously, you should see your face,” Jaemin points to the photos on the monitor as Renjun trudges right past him.

 

“I hate you.”

 

…

 

“Come on what do I have to do to make you forgive me?” Jaemin made a cute pouty face as Renjun continues to look grumpy. Renjun simply crosses his arms and turns his head away from the side of the bench that Jaemin was on.

 

“Injunnie!” Jaemin whines as he gets up and sits on the other side of Renjun.

 

“Hmph. Wait 5 minutes for me.” Jaemin suddenly stands up and disappears into a store.

 

Renjun scratches his head. _What is that boy up to now?_

 

...

 

Jaemin returned almost exactly 5 minutes later, (Renjun was keeping track) and sat back down next to him.

 

“What did you buy?” Renjun asks, curiously eyeing the small brown paper bag Jaemin was holding. Jaemin only hums in reply, pulling out something shiny from the bag. He gently took Renjun’s hand in his and slid the object up Renjun’s wrist.

 

It was a gold-colored metallic bracelet that caught the sunlight perfectly, beautifully adorning his wrist.

 

“Just a symbol of our friendship!” Jaemin says as he places a similar silver-colored bracelet on his own wrist. “They’re couple bracelets!”

 

Renjun blushes a little too hard at the last comment, even forgetting to say _thank you_.

 

“Hey, I’m sorry for pushing you to ride that roller coaster with me. I won’t make you ride scary things with me anymore. How about we go check out the carnival games?”

 

Renjun nods. Jaemin stands up first, reaching a hand out and pulling up Renjun to his feet. Renjun let himself to be led away again, feeling more complacent than the last time.

 

…

 

“Are you having fun?” Renjun asks Jaemin after a few unsuccessful attempts at random carnival games. Jaemin seemed distracted by something.

 

“Hm? Yea I am. Hey, I want to go try that game out!”

 

 _The prizes are cute.. a bit goofy too,_ Renjun thinks. Giant stuffed Ryans decorated the walls of the game stand. It was a simple game - just knock the stack of blocks off the stand with a small beanbag.

 

“Injunnie, you should go first~” Jaemin says as he pays the booth attendant for two tries.

 

“Uh.. okay?” Renjun says hesitantly. _Here goes nothing!_

 

Renjun pulls his elbow all the way back and throws, anticlimactically missing the blocks completely.

 

“Cute.” Jaemin apparently found the irony of the situation hilarious, as he started laughing.

 

“Shut up, it’s not as easy as it looks!”

 

Jaemin laughs again. “Now watch me!” He shines Renjun a confident grin and picks up the second beanbag.

 

...

 

“Wow I can’t believe you actually won that.” Renjun says sarcastically. Jaemin was walking beside him, holding a massive Ryan plushy.

 

“Hey this kind of reminds me of you,” Jaemin says, holding the toy close to his chest.

 

“What are you implying? It doesn’t look like me.” Renjun pouts. Jaemin looked too freaking adorable babying the plushie he was holding.

 

“Yes it does~” Jaemin gives the stuffed toy he was holding a smooch.

 

Renjun wished he was the plushie.

 

…

 

The pair continue to walk around until the sun starts to set. Renjun was adamant that they walk back home before dark. Jaemin began to whine that he wanted to stay longer.

 

“Well I guess I’ll just leave you here while I walk back home alone.”

 

Jaemin had no choice but comply.

 

...

 

“Jaemin-ah?” Renjun asks after a period of silence. It was getting dark, but luckily, they were pretty close to his house. Jaemin insisted on walking him home.

 

“Yes?” Jaemin turns to face Renjun, still walking.

 

“I have a question…” Renjun didn’t know if it was an appropriate time to ask such a personal question - _much less a question about someone else in his life._ They were having such a good time and Renjun didn’t want to ruin it.

 

“You can ask me anything~” At this, Renjun decides that it was _now, or never._

 

“What are you and Jeno?” Jaemin stops in his tracks.

 

“Just good friends.” Renjun raises an eyebrow.

 

“...”

 

“...”

 

“We… we made out a couple times though..” Jaemin admits after a long silence.

 

“Oh...”

 

“...”

 

“Are we good frien-” Renjun suddenly feels Jaemin’s lips on his own. This kiss felt different - it was longer than the one he initiated Friday, and way more passionate. _God, it felt so good to have him kiss back._  

 

“Nope. Something more.” Jaemin whispers as he deepens the kiss, arms wrapping around Renjun’s waist.

 

Renjun wanted to remain in that moment forever, but like all good things, they had to end at some point.  _Plus, he was getting sleepy._

 

“Good night, Jaemin!” Renjun waves from his doorstep.

 

“Good night. Sweet dreams!” Jaemin waves back and soon disappears from his sight.

 

Renjun showers, changes into his Moomin pajamas, and collapses onto his bed, smiling uncontrollably and wanting to scream.

 

NA JAEMIN KISSED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

***

 

A wave of fatigue had quickly hit him and he falls asleep still partially hanging off his bed.

 

Even if Jaemin was actually dating Jeno, Renjun didn’t mind.

 

Jaemin loved him more.

 

_It would just be their little secret._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jaemin’s bad analogies and cheesiness make my day.  
> Jeno is shaking at how cute this is lol sorry this chapter is contributing to the nomin drought  
> Some of y'all are gonna hate me in the next few chapters :D  
> sorry again, your author is really weird


	7. When I’m with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey Mark-hyung? .. I need your advice.”
> 
> “Yea?”
> 
> “Yesterday I took Renjun on a date and kissed him and I feel really bad about it so I went to Jeno’s house today. I-”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I can grammar but no i really can't sometimes

_Friends with benefits are meant to have no strings attached._

 

Sunday, Jeno had invited Jaemin over. Not wanting to seem like he was avoiding his best friend, Jaemin showed up. He had already refused Jeno’s date invitation Saturday, which was typical, _because they were not dating!_ and expected, since _well, you the reader know why._

 

_Friends with benefits don’t go on dates together._

 

“Jeno um.. When I said we weren’t dating I mean-”

 

“Shh it’s okay. You just didn’t want Renjun to feel bad. He didn’t know we were dating so I forgive him.”

 

 _We aren’t dating!_ A voice inside Jaemin’s head screams. It happens every time his best friend said that they were.

 

Jeno pulls Jaemin in for an embrace and notices something shiny on Jaemin’s wrist.

 

“Hey that’s a pretty bracelet!”

 

“Thanks.” Jaemin takes a seat on the couch next to Jeno.

 

_You can’t be friends with benefits with your best friend._

 

A ping of guilt runs through Jaemin’s chest, but the feeling is soon forgotten as he drowns himself in Jeno’s warmth.

 

He kisses Jeno as if nothing had changed. Jeno’s lips taste bittersweet and he lets the feeling of lust rip through him and take over. He momentarily forgets that his body is at one place while his heart is at another, until Jeno whispers three painful words and his name,

 

“I love you, Jaemin.”

 

and Jaemin doesn’t say it back.

 

...

 

“Bye baby!” Jeno brought Jaemin into a bear-hug before the younger boy left. “Get home safely!”

 

Jeno had insisted that he stay for dinner but Jaemin made up some bullshit excuse about last-minute unfinished homework. Jaemin calls Mark as soon as he returns home.

 

“Hey Mark-hyung? .. I need your advice.”

 

“Yea?”

 

“Yesterday I took Renjun on a date and kissed him and I feel really bad about it so I went to Jeno’s house today. I-”

 

“You did what? Jaemin, I think you need to make up your mind.”

 

“What?”

 

Mark hangs up on him.

 

...

 

 _Poor Jaemin. He really is confused. But he really can’t do this to Jeno.. this is so messed up._ Mark thought to himself. _Should I tell Jeno? Wait.. it isn’t any of my business._

 

“Who was that, Mark?” Donghyuck comes back into the room. They were both at Mark's house.

 

“Just Jaemin.” Donghyuck suddenly has a concerned expression on his face.

 

“Oh. Is he okay… you know, after Friday?

 

“He sure sounds okay. He’s been hanging out with Renjun.” Donghyuck frowns at the mention of the boy's name, emotion changing almost  _too rapidly._

 

“Oh.”

 

“Hyuck? Are Jeno and Jaemin dating?”

 

“I don’t know. Jaemin said they weren't. Maybe we should ask Jeno?”

 

...

 

Monday morning Donghyuck wasn’t able to focus in class.

 

“I wonder how many boys Jaemin has wrapped around his finger.”  _Why are people gossiping about Jaemin?_

 

“He moved in on that new transfer lightning speed too. It’s kind of amazing.”

 

“They’ve probably f---ed already.”

 

Donghyuck couldn’t believe his ears. When the bell rang, he ran to where Mark’s French class was, hoping to encounter the older boy. He caught sight of Mark’s brownish hair and sprinted towards him.

 

“Mark-hyung!”

 

“What is it, Hyuckie?” Mark feels a little alarmed seeing Donghyuck, knowing that the boy’s next class was in the direction opposite to his French class.

 

“I’m worried. People are saying really nasty things about Jaemin.”

 

“We should ask Jeno today.”

 

“We better!” Mark scratches his head as Donghyuck sprints away.

 

…

 

Lunch, started as typical as lunch could get; Chenle and Jisung were flailing their arms at each other.

 

“Can you two act your age for once in your lives?” Donghyuck asks, irritated.

 

“cAn YoU tWo aCt YoUr aGE fOr OnCe?” Jisung repeats in a mocking tone. Chenle lets out a dolphin screech.

 

“Look who’s talking, hyung!” Chenle puts on a shit-eating grin. “You still ask Mark-hyung to hold your hand because you’re scared of the dark!”

 

“Ooo, savage!” Jisung gives Chenle a high-five across the table.

 

“That was one time!” Mark is the one to answer, strangely.

 

Donghyuck swears that if he rolled his eyes any harder, they would pop out of his head and land in- _God, why is Mark eating pizza again?_

 

After chensung’s laughter begins to die down, Hyuck finally remembers what he was supposed to ask today. “Jeno?”

 

“What is it?” Jeno doesn’t even look up from his lunch.

 

“Are you and Jaemin dating?”

 

“Of course we’re dating.” Jeno continues eating his rice.

 

“Sure doesn’t seem that way.” Donghyuck says, a bit quieter.

 

At this, Jeno finally looks up. “What?”

 

“Why are Jaemin and Renjun so close then?”

 

Mark is glad he didn’t tell Donghyuck everything.

 

…

 

After dance, Jeno drags Jaemin by the hand to the locker rooms, causing a few glances to be thrown their way.

 

“Ow, what the hell Jeno?”

 

“I’m angry,” Jeno crosses his arms.

 

“Hm? Why is my baby angry?” Jaemin has a smug expression.

 

“You seem closer to Huang Renjun than me these days and it’s frustrat-”

 

“Mmph!” _It’s good,_ but the kiss almost feels forceful (and dry) to Jeno.

 

Jeno is left gasping for breaths as Jaemin pulls away, both collapsing in each other’s arms.

 

“Still angry?” Jaemin looks satisfied with himself, grinning.

 

“No- I mean yes.” Jeno mutters, lungs still searching for air.

 

“Aw, don’t be!” Jaemin laughs.

 

But as soon as Jeno turns to gather his belongings and can’t see his face, Jaemin’s grin vanishes.

 

They walked home without saying a word to each other, with the exception of exchanging goodbyes once they reached Jeno’s house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and any comments make my day =w=
> 
> I split this chapter up because it was getting too long haha


	8. Danger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Psst.. did you hear? Someone saw them at the fair the other day!”
> 
> “No.. I heard it was an aquarium!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: this fic was originally a story about poor Junnie getting bullied by Jeno and Hyuck and Jaemin standing up for him...
> 
> wHat HapPeNed?

Tuesday morning Jaemin and Renjun were absent from math, much to Jeno’s dismay.

 

“Last call? Na Jaemin? Huang Renjun? Hm.. guess they’re cutting class.” Some giggles could be heard from the back of the room.

 

2 minutes after the bell rings the door bursts open.

 

“We’re h-here! Sorry Renjun couldn’t get his locker open so I had to help him,” says a very suspicious looking Jaemin, with his face red, his hair disheveled, a few of the buttons of his shirt left unbuttoned, and somewhat out of breath. Renjun is in a similar condition, (Jeno knew Jaemin liked to have his shirt unbuttoned a few, but Renjun ON THE OTHER HAND) causing snickers to erupt across the classroom. 

 

Jeno wants to flip over his desk and scream.

 

“Psst.. did you hear? Someone saw them at the fair the other day!”

 

“No.. I heard it was an aquarium!”

 

“It was definitely the movies!”

 

“Is Na Jaemin actually gay? 

 

“Bisexual maybe?”

 

“I mean it’s possible, he flirts with like everyone.”

 

“Dunno. I bet most of the girls won’t take the news so well.” 

 

“Why would he pick the new kid though? Isn’t he friends with that Donghyuck guy? He seems more like Jaemin’s type.” 

 

Jeno was ready to e-x-p-l-o-d-e. Renjun, obviously uncomfortable with the staring and whispers, eventually raised his hand to go to the bathroom to fix his appearance. Jaemin appeared completely unfazed by the situation, too distracted with  _ staring at the back of Renjun’s head _ . 

 

_ Is this what jealousy feels like? _

 

Jeno takes the opportunity to approach Renjun alone. He waits a few minutes after Renjun left and raises his hand. “Mrs. Kim? Can I go get a drink of water?”

 

“Make it quick.”

 

...

 

He catches Renjun walking back to the classroom and grabs him by the collar. The boy is lighter than he expected.

 

“Stay away from Jaemin do you hear me?’

 

“Dude chill. We’re just friends!”

 

Jeno catches a glimpse of a metal bracelet, identical to the one Jaemin was wearing on Sunday. The realization hits him like a truck, envy flooding to his fingertips.  _ Couple bracelets? Really Jaemin? Geez you’re like the cheesiest person I know. _

 

“You’re lying!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also sorry, this is short, but I had to split it for it to make more sense...
> 
> more drama coming soon


	9. Never felt better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being confronted by Jeno while still pissed was not an ideal situation for Renjun. His mouth seemed to have a mind of his own.
> 
> “You’re annoying. I said that we’re just friends. ” It’s the truth, he didn’t ask me out yet. 
> 
> Renjun feels a sudden wave of confidence wash over him as the words just flowed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry their class schedule probably is messed up at some point  
> I lost track

Renjun felt weird all morning. The day wasn’t particularly ominous, _just fascinatingly bizarre_. _Like something significant had changed overnight._

 

First, people were giving him questionable looks. They weren’t as obvious as a raised eyebrow or glaring or even staring too long. One could simply tell by the look in their eyes. _Something was really off. Is there something on my face?_

 

Second, girls were suddenly all over Jaemin. The break bell had just rung and he was already surrounded by 2 girls.

 

“Oppa! Notice anything different?” _A tall girl wearing so much mascara that you can see how dead her eyelashes were_ said.

 

“That you two are over here today instead of by the staircase where you usually gossip? Yea I did.” Renjun chuckled at Jaemin’s comment, making his presence known.

 

“No, silly! I got lash extensions seeeee?” _Whose dead body did those come from? Girl, you lying._ Renjun shuddered at the thought, although it was quite humorous. The girl glared at him.

 

“Hey, can you leave? Can’t you see that Oppa and I are having a moment?”

 

“Hey! I’m here too!” said the other girl, who was shorter with dyed reddish-brown hair.

 

“Actually, can you two leave? I have something I need to do. It’s rather important.”

 

“Oppa is no fun,’ the first girl pouted. Renjun hadn’t recognized either of them, _probably because they were underclassmen._

 

Renjun rolled his eyes and moved closer to Jaemin. The girls instantly whipped their heads to Jaemin.

 

“Math help,” Jaemin explained, sighing and holding up his textbook.

 

“Tch… Whatever.” _Ah, the attitude of an entire generation._

 

The girls gave Renjun a weird look that screamed ‘ _Who the hell is he?’_ , but left them alone.

 

“Gosh that one girl was sooo annoying,” Jaemin muttered once the girls were out of earshot, scanning the area.

 

“And her eyelashes were dead.” They both started laughing.

 

“They were both annoying!” And laughed even harder.

 

“Injunnie?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Why do you button your shirt up all the way? It makes you look like a Grandpa~” Jaemin inched closer to Renjun, placing a hand on his chest, unbuttoning the first few buttons.

 

Jaemin started to move his mouth toward Renjun’s neck. “What? Hey wait.. Other people might see..uh..” Renjun eyes grew wide.

 

“Heh, I’m just kidding. You look beautiful~” Jaemin pulled Renjun in for a mouth kiss instead. It was gentle and light, their hands remaining interlaced and never leaving the other’s touch. It felt pure and innocent, (and dry, but Renjun didn't care) contrasting Jaemin’s usual playful and forward nature.

 

“Oh. Haha I knew that.” Renjun fake laughed as they pulled away. _Not funny, Jaemin._

 

“You know, I could just kiss and hold you like this forever - I’d never get tired of it!” Jaemin said.

 

“Hey, I’d love to kiss you for the rest of my life too, but I have to get my math book from my locker, or Mrs. Kim will dock my participation points!” Jaemin laughed and grabbed Renjun’s hand.

 

“Let’s go to your locker then, silly.” The pair walked to Renjun’s locker.

 

As soon as they reached Renjun’s locker, the bell rang, sending Renjun into a panic.

 

“Shit I can’t open it!”

 

“It’s okay you have me!” Jaemin said, confidently grinning.

 

“Shut up! We’re late!”

 

“What’s the combo?” Renjun sighed, frustrated.

 

…

 

A couple minutes passed by.

 

“Dude we gotta run!” Renjun said as he removes his textbook out of his locker.

 

After realizing that Renjun wasn’t exactly in the best shape, Jaemin insisted on carrying both his own and Renjun’s books for him. Jaemin's face was red and he looked like he was struggling,  _(textbooks are hella hard to run with)_ but he was also somehow running faster than Renjun carrying no books..

 

 _Dancers have amazing stamina holy crap._ Renjun admitted that he was impressed.

 

They managed to get to class within 5 minutes after the bell, much to Renjun’s relief. (Jaemin didn’t really care.)

 

“Thanks for carrying my books, you really didn’t have to, Jaeminnie~” Renjun smiled, face still heated from running.

 

“Anything… for.. You.” Jaemin smiled back, still somewhat out of breath, face red and hair messy.

 

Despite being late to classes before, Renjun was not ready for what was next.

 

…

 

Renjun was usually quiet, awkward even. But he was not a pushover. He absolutely hated to sugarcoat things and could be straightforward and direct if he wanted to.

 

“Hah I wonder if the new guy knows how much of a player Jaemin is. He’ll say anything to get into your pants!”

 

 _Jaemin isn’t like that._ But Renjun couldn’t bring himself to speak up. He didn’t want to now. _Keywords: if he wanted to._ He couldn’t now. He feels different - changed somehow _\- like an entirely different person._

 

Being with Jaemin had honestly made him soft _\- flustered and unsure of himself._  And _honestly_ , that boy had made him feel all sorts of foreign feelings he couldn’t put into words. It wasn’t like him at all to listen helplessly on the sidelines _, especially if the rumors involved him._

 

“Do you think Jaemin’s a top or a bottom?” Some more snickers followed that comment. Renjun turned around and looked in the direction that particular comment came from. _Ah, the girls always reading BL in class…_

 

_It’s only been one week since I transferred to this shithole._

 

All the rumors and whispers made Renjun sick to his stomach. He really couldn’t take much more of it. _I would say something, but that wouldn’t make things any easier for Jaemin… anything I say to defend him would just solidify the rumors... I wish I could... just do something about it._

 

“I thought he was screwing that Lee Jeno guy from dance?”

 

“Shh..are you stupid? He’s in this class! He might hear you!”

 

Although, he had to admit, the rumors about Jeno sounded _much much_ worse. _They are just rumors right? Everything just somehow blows out of proportion._

 

_Ah, the price of being friends with someone popular._

 

“Mrs. Kim? May I go to the restroom?”

 

“Yes, Renjun, you may.” Renjun got up and left quickly, letting out a deep sigh once he’s out the door and far from being the subject of ridicule from his peers. _How has Mrs. Kim not noticed all the whispering going on?_

 

…

 

Being confronted by Jeno while still pissed was not an ideal situation for Renjun. His mouth seemed to have a mind of his own.

 

“You’re annoying. I said that we’re just friends. ” _It’s the truth, he didn’t ask me out yet._

 

Renjun feels a sudden wave of confidence wash over him as the words just flowed out. 

 

“Wow is Lee Jeno _really_ telling me to stay away? Don’t get cocky, you’re just his _boy-toy!_ He’s in love with me, not you.” Renjun takes his collar out of Jeno’s hand and calmly walks away.

 

“I warned you.” Jeno says, scratching his head. Renjun is already down the hall. “Don’t you run from me! You coward!” Jeno calls after him, not caring if teachers or nearby classes hear him. Detention was the least of his worries.

 

_Renjun knows he had already overstepped his boundaries. asdfkjapgjajigpgwhatdidijustdo, he goes in his brain. His heart is racing and he feels uncomfortable - who wouldn’t when threatened? He obviously cannot win a physical fight against Jeno - the kid is taller and MUCH stronger than him. He figures that being too smart-mouthed will get him punched in the face, so he just says the first word on his mind,_

 

“Whatever.”

 

and returns to class.

 

…

 

Renjun is eyeing the clock. It rings, and he instantly shoots Jaemin a look and starts bolting to the rooftop. Jaemin eventually catches up to him on the stairs.

 

“Why are you... in such.. a hurry?” Jaemin asks, panting.

 

“Jaemin?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“I don’t think we should see each other at school anymore. People are talking about you.”

 

“I don’t care what they have to say about me. They can say it to my face if they really mean it. It doesn’t bother me.”

 

“But it bothers me…It bothers me that they’re saying shit about you. Okay?”

 

“Now, Renjun, you know those rumors aren’t true. I don’t really care.”

 

“...” Jaemin opens the door to the rooftop and motions for Renjun to enter.

 

“Like how you’ve f---ed me or something.” Renjun pouts. The door to the rooftop swings shut.

 

“Renjun.. We both know that one isn’t true.” Jaemin laughs and pulls Renjun in for a hug. “It’s okay though. If it makes you uncomfortable then I won’t make you eat lunch with me anymore.”

 

“Okay..”

 

“...” They stare into each others eyes for a while.

 

“You know.. I think I want to stay here.. With you.”

 

“I’m glad.” Jaemin’s usual grin widens and he combs his hands through Renjun’s dark hair.

 

“I love you, Jaemin.”

 

“I love you more.” Jaemin says, interlacing their hands together, bracelets shining in the bright sunlight of their quiet rooftop.

 

…

 

Meanwhile, in the cafeteria.

 

“That little f----ker is trying to steal my boyfriend.” Jeno looks comparable to a bull seeing red in a rodeo. His teeth were clenched and he was huffing. It would have been comical if Jeno didn’t look like he was ready to kill someone.

 

“Idk… they seem like just friends to me.” Jisung says. Both he and Chenle were taking turns to attempt to soothe Jeno.

 

“Can’t you guys just share?” Chenle asks. They were miserably failing.

 

“NO!” Jeno is practically yelling at this point, causing his friends to panic. _They’ve all heard some rather nasty rumors._

 

Eventually, (mostly due to Mark’s insistence) they figure it’s best to just stay quiet and let Jeno vent out his anger. Consequently, Jeno is left fuming for the remaining entirety of lunch. As soon as the bell rings he robotically picks up his tray and tosses its contents, setting the tray rather harshly on top of the trash can. He walks out of the cafeteria without saying goodbye to his table, which catches Donghyuck’s attention.

 

“Jeno?”

 

“What?”

 

“I have an idea of how to win Jaemin back. I’ll text you after school. I promise it’ll be good.”

 

“Whatever. Okay Hyuck.”

 

“Great! See you later!” Donghyuck waves and skips off down the hall. Jeno is left confused. _I don’t have any classes with Hyuck later?? Is he going to visit me or something?_

...

 

A few girls approach Renjun after the last bell rings as he is walking to his locker to retrieve his art supplies. Renjun doesn’t want to talk to them, but they are _oh so conveniently blocking the access to his locker._

 

“Can you guys please move out of the way?”

 

“Can you stop f---ing hanging around Jaemin?” _Hey, at least I asked nicely…_

 

“Why does it matter? We’re just friends.”

 

“Oh please, you’re just trying to get into his pants. Hanging around you and has only brought his reputation down. You should know your place.”

 

“Get into his pants? Isn’t that what you bunch are trying to do? How pathetic. At least I see him more than just someone to use for clout.”

 

“Whatever…” _Seriously?_

 

Then Renjun gets flipped off. _How immature,_ he thinks. Still, the sudden shift of everyone’s attitudes towards him is not something easy to get used to. As he walks home, Renjun wonders how Jaemin manages to deal with so much drama all the time. _It must be f---ing exhausting for him.._

 

Meanwhile, Jeno gets a text. He smiles while reading it, simply replying a “sounds good,” and heads off to dance.

 

…

 

“Jeno?”

 

Jeno glances briefly at Jaemin and continues changing his shoes.

 

“Baby?” Jaemin tilts his head to try and get into Jeno’s view. Jeno doesn’t react in the slightest, much to Jaemin’s disappointment. “Guess not today, huh? Rumors getting to ya?” Jaemin was almost expecting Jeno to jump on him. Even if he hadn’t and wouldn’t enjoy it, _he was still expecting it_.

 

Jeno finishes packing up his things silently and starts to leave the locker room.

 

“Wait Jeno! Wait for meeeee!!!” Jaemin calls after Jeno as he frantically grabs his things. He runs out the locker room and sees Jeno hugging someone in the distance. _That’s weird._

 

“Are we still walkin- OH HELLO HYUCK!” Jaemin walks closer to Donghyuck and Jeno, who are suspiciously grinning at each other.

 

“WAIT WHAT THE F-CK GUYS?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh the tables have turned.  
> Renjun is a savage and what the hell is up with Hyuck and Jeno????


	10. Paranoia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeno has his head down trying to hide a grin, fingers rapidly tapping on his phone, presumably texting Donghyuck. Jaemin feels a tingly burning sensation in his chest and shoulders. 
> 
> He then does something incredibly stupid.

“Group hug? Without me? How dare you?” Jaemin chokes out a laugh and forces an almost too pleasant smile. _Surely I’m just imagining things..._

 

“Sorry Nana we have some work to do today, maybe we can hang some other time.” Donghyuck says, flashing a knowing smile to Jeno.

 

“Yea.. some work.” Jeno mischievously grins while maintaining eye contact with Donghyuck.

 

“Uh.. okay then. Have fun I guess?” Jaemin has a wistful glint in his eyes. He gives each of his two friends a nod, slings his bag over his shoulder, and walks away.

 

At home, Jaemin decides it would be okay to mope around - majority of his homework wasn’t due until Thursday. He lays on his bed and stares at the ceiling. _Jeno probably just has a project with Hyuck or something. Whatever. It’s not like I care. I wonder what Renjun is doing.._

 

**To: <3 Injunnie <3**

U THERE

 

Wat?

 

HELLO

 

Wat is it

 

Nothing I just wanted to hear your voice

Can I call? >A<

Sure gimme a sec

**< 3 Injunnie <3 is calling**

**Accept? Decline?**

 

“RENJUNNNNN!” Jaemin is smiling stupidly at his phone.

 

“Hey!”

 

“What is my precious Injunnie doing~”

 

“Homework. You?”

 

“Just chillin’ on my bed!”

 

“Don’t we have a test in Math tomorrow?”

 

“WHAT?”

 

“I’m just kidding! It’s on Friday. Anyway, how was your day?”

 

“That’s mean. And it was okay I guess. How about you?”

 

“Yea my day was fine too.”

 

“Cool.”

 

“Oh yea, tomorrow I have to be in the art room to finish something. Sorry I can’t eat lunch with you.”

 

“Oh uh.. That’s fine. I can just eat in the art room and keep you company!”

 

“Uhm.. the teacher doesn’t like it when we eat in there.. She doesn’t want ants…”

 

“Junnie you can’t skip lunch!”

 

“She’s okay with me eating there because she trusts that I’ll clean it up.”

 

“Maybe I can drop by the second half of lunch?”

 

“Yea maybe.. Haha”

 

“Yea I want to see what you’re working on!”

 

“I want to show you too but maybe when it’s done. You should probably eat with your friends once in a while, I’m sure they miss you. They might hate me for stealing you away so much hahaha..”

 

“Hm? Who could hate you Injunnie you are like.. the sweetest person I know!”

 

“Hahahaha yea.. who could? Anyway, see you in math!”

 

“Bye! Love you!”

 

“I love you more!”

 

“Nope! I love you more!”

 

“No, I love you more.”

 

“Silly Renjun, I love you more!”

 

“Jaemin-ah… just let me say it and hang up the phone you dummy.”

 

“Fine. You love me more. See you tomorrow!” Jaemin pouts to himself.

 

“Cya!”

 

…

 

Wednesday math was rather uneventful - maybe too uneventful. The rumors had died down for some reason. _No new fodder to gossip over…_ Jaemin figures.

 

However, one thing bothered him a lot more than it should have. Jeno hadn’t talked to him at all - _and was texting in class? He’s smiling? I wonder who it could be…_

He leans over slightly and catches a glance of the screen.

 

 _H? Hyuck?_ He guesses. _Why is he texting Hyuck and being all smiley in class? Are people this happy about projects? What? Am I just being paranoid or what the f-ck is going on?_

 

...

 

The bell rings and Renjun gives an apologetic nod to Jaemin, and heads off to the art room. Jaemin turns to look at Jeno.

 

“I’m gonna eat lunch with you guys today.”

 

“Sure.” Jeno mutters, still on his phone.

 

“Uh.. okay see you at our table I guess?” _That was.. Weird._

 

Jaemin sits down at his table next to Chenle and begins to eat. Everyone looks happy to see him, and he feels relieved.

 

“Hey Jaemin-hyung we really missed you!” Jisung exclaims.

 

“Yea, you should eat with us more often. Where do you even go nowadays?” Donghyuck asks as he steals one of Mark’s watermelon pieces.

 

“Haha yea.” Jaemin smiles, dodging the question.

 

“Hi guys, sorry I took so long.” Jeno sits down next to Donghyuck and throws an arm around him.

 

Jaemin’s face hardens. Jeno continues being overly cheery and _staring abnormally long_ at Donghyuck.

 

“In choir some girl was trying to start a fight about who got which lines and said something about how she’s the strongest soprano in the section; we were all really annoyed so I said ‘please, even Chenle’s screams sound better than you’ and everyone else in that section applauded me!” Jeno laughs loudly- _too loudly-_ and nudges Donghyuck’s shoulder playfully. No one else is laughing nearly as much, not even Mark with his delayed reaction. Mark in fact, has noticed something odd about Jeno too.

 

Jaemin quietly eats his sandwich and then promptly leaves once he’s finished.

 

…

 

“Renjun? Wow this is cool, who are you drawing?” Renjun quickly turns around and panics. Jaemin looks intrigued, gawking at the barely started drawing before him.

 

“Uh… It’s me. A self portrait.” Renjun lies. The drawing was still in its beginning stages and wasn’t detailed enough to identify a particular face yet.

 

“Oh.. Wouldn’t you say it sort of looks like me? Especially the nose.”

 

“No, not everything is about you Jaemin.” Renjun looks up at Jaemin and scrunches his face.

 

“So I somehow ended up in your art. That’s cute. Thinking about me I see?” Jaemin plops a hand on Renjun’s hair and ruffles it.

 

“Hey.. it’s not my fault you’re all I think of!” Renjun pretends to be angry and swats Jaemin’s hand away from his head, running a hand through to flatten his hair.

 

“I’m thinking about you all the time too, so it’s okay. Bell’s about to ring, see you tomorrow Injunnie!”

 

“Bye!” Renjun sighs a breath of relief.  _It's supposed to be a surprise._

 

…

 

The studio was closed for cleaning so dance practice was canceled. Jaemin was honestly relieved. He really didn’t want to see Jeno. He walks home alone and lands face-first on his bed.

 

_Are Jeno and Hyuck dating?_

 

Jaemin shakes his head. Jeno would have told him first if they were. _This is so weird! What the hell is going on? He would have told me? Especially since we have .. that kind of relationship right? UGH! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS??? It’s not like I’m dating Jeno, so I should be happy for them. Why am I getting so worked up over this? It shouldn’t even be my concern who Jeno is dating… I could’ve sworn Mark-hyung and Hyuck were going to get together though? Hyuck is always clinging onto Mark. Yea.. that’s why I’m worried. I’m worried for Mark. That’s it._

 

Jaemin groans loudly and buries his face in his pillow.

 

...

Thursday is oddly a repeat of Wednesday. Jeno has his head down trying to hide a grin, fingers rapidly tapping on his phone, presumably texting Donghyuck. Jaemin feels a tingly burning sensation in his chest and shoulders.

 

He then does something incredibly stupid. He turns his ringer on and begins loudly writing gibberish on the “notes” app.

 

“Na Jaemin and Lee Jeno. Please stop texting in class. You guys have a test tomorrow. I hope you use your detention time wisely and study for it.”

 

Jeno looks shocked while Jaemin has a smug look on his face. Renjun nearly facepalms, hoping that Jaemin wasn’t trying to text him.

 

…

 

“What the hell was that?” Renjun exclaims after the rooftop door swings closed.

 

“Revenge. He’s been ignoring me all week! I’m his best friend!”

 

“Wow Jaemin that’s so funny! Why would you do that that’s so stupid?” Renjun is clutching his stomach, laughing.

 

“Shut up.”

 

“If you wanted attention you can get it from me.”

 

“But he’s my best friend!” Jaemin grumbles, crossing his arms and looking away from Renjun.

 

“Nah, friends don’t ignore each other. I can be your new best friend!” Renjun proclaims, leaning onto Jaemin’s shoulder.

 

“Alright.” Jaemin smiles and slips his fingers into Renjun’s.

 

…

 

Detention is not supposed to be enjoyable. But Jaemin had quite a bit of fun annoying Jeno to provoke a reaction from him.

 

“Jeno! Pst..” Jaemin pokes Jeno from behind with a pencil. _LOOK AT ME._

 

“Jaemin-ah! Are you trying to get us in trouble?” He whispers.

 

“Jeno-yah! You are really no fun!” Jaemin trails a few fingers along Jeno’s back, causing him to shiver.

 

“Stop.” He turns around and mouths.

 

“Nope.” Jaemin silently chuckles, continuing to poke Jeno.

 

Detention also means that they would miss dance practice. Jeno didn’t walk home with Jaemin.

 

“More work to do”, he says.

 

…

 

Jaemin starts feeling worried. It’s Friday. Math test takes up the entire period. Renjun needed to go to the art room again.

 

Jaemin sits on the rooftop alone, plugs his headphones in, and drowns himself in thought.

 

_I should talk to him._

...

 

Jeno’s locker slams shut.

 

“Jeno. You’re my best friend. You can tell me anything… Just say it”

 

“Jaemin, I have nothing to say to you.”

 

“Did I do something wrong? Why are you trying to avoid me?”

 

“No, you didn’t do anything wrong, and I’m not avoiding you.”

 

“But you are! Jeno.. are you dating Hyuck?”

 

Jeno doesn’t answer. He grabs his bag and leaves the locker room. Donghyuck is there waiting for him. Jeno throws his arm over Donghyuck's shoulder.

 

Jaemin stands still at the locker room door, watching in contempt as tears involuntarily left his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so much drama lol  
> sorry for updating slow I just had to sort out some things for it to flow  
> hey that rhymes!
> 
> prob gonna sneak in something fun in ch 12


	11. Side Chapter: Mark's ice cream sounds kind of gross

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hyuck? Are we still throwing the party at my house?” Mark asks once the song ends. 
> 
> “Yea. Jeno’s bringing the cake to your house tomorrow morning.” 
> 
> “Hm.. okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nvm, I'm putting the fluff here instead of 12.

*RING RING RING*

 

Donghyuck kicks off his covers and stretches his arms over his head. No school today. It’s Saturday. Donghyuck loves Saturdays. He gets to sleep in and do whatever he pleases because procrastination is the key to success. LIke any other teen, the next thing Hyuck does is check his phone.

3 messages from Jeno. Hyuck answers those first.

 

**jEnO**

 

Hyuck? Are you up yet?

 

Goddammit it’s 11 already.

 

-_-

Huh?

I think we’re set

Is there really anything else to plan?

U got a cake picked out right?

Yea. Strawberry.

Cool.

I’m gonna go hang with mark today

I think

I want ice cream

Kk

Cya tomorrow

We still throwing it at Mark’s?

Mhm

Bring the cake over tomorrow morning

Ok bye Hyuck

Bye jen

Read: 11:40 AM

 

_Mark better be up it’s literally almost noon._

 

**Canada boi**

 

Marrk

U better be up

Or i will kick yo ass

 

>.> I am up what do you want

 

I want ice cream hyung

Let’s go get ice cream

 

But it’s still early i wanna sleep

 

It’s almost noon u moron

 

Oh

Oops

 

I’ll be at your house in 5

Nah i’ll come pick u up

Gimme 10 more minutes to sleep though

 

Okay but if u aren’t here in 15 I’m marching over there and whooping ur ass

Read: 11:55 AM

 

Mark arrives at 12:07 PM. Hyuck jumps into the passenger seat.

 

“Hi hyung.”

 

“Morning, Hyuck.”

 

“It’s noon.” Donghyuck giggles and buckles his seatbelt.

 

“Right.” Mark pulls away from the curb. Donghyuck turns on the radio and begins humming along to a song he doesn’t recognize.

 

“Hyuck? Are we still throwing the party at my house?” Mark asks once the song ends.

 

“Yea. Jeno’s bringing the cake to your house tomorrow morning.”

 

“Hm.. okay.”

 

Donghyuck rolls down the window and continues humming to the next song. _Why is Mark’s playlist full of English songs I have never heard of?_

 

They reach their favorite ice cream shop, the one that their older college friends - Taeyong and Jaehyun - worked at. Hyuck jumps out of the car and is nearly jumping up and down waiting for Mark to hurry up.

 

“Hyuuung! Why are you moving soooo slowly?” Donghyuck wails.

 

“How do you have so much energy I feel old…” Mark grumbles as he locks his car. Donghyuck runs up to him and grabs his hand.

 

“Hyung, senioritis only makes sense if it’s school related. How can you not be excited for ice cream?” Donghyuck drags Mark to the door of the ice cream shop. Mark looks annoyed for a second but his expression softens once he sees Hyuck’s glowing smile. He suddenly lets go of Hyuck’s hand and runs up to the door to open it.

 

“Ladies first.” He waves his right hand in a motion signaling the younger boy to enter, grinning.

 

“Sh-shut up.” Donghyuck is slightly caught off guard. He’s the one who’s supposed to be making Mark flustered.

 

Jaehyun is at the counter scooping pistachio gelato to a customer. Hyuck looks around and sees no sight of Taeyong. _He must be in the back._

 

“Hyuck! Mark! So glad to see you guys here! It’s been a while!”

 

“Yea. We were kind of busy with school.” Donghyuck answers.

 

“You guys used to come here everyday last year with Jaemin, Jeno, and Chenle- well, Chenle still comes here all the time with that freshman Jisung Park. We missed you. Taeyong’s just in the back unboxing. He’ll be out soon.”

 

Donghyuck and Mark shoot each other a glance. _Chenle’s been going out on ice cream dates with Jisung? What?_

 

“Junior year’s a lot of work, and with dance practice taking up so much time I don’t think Jeno and Jaemin have time to hang.” Mark explains. “I’m so happy this is my final year of high school before I get to be a college kid with a ton of free time!”

 

“Really? I saw Jaemin here an hour ago. With a small black-haired boy around your height, Hyuck.” Jaehyun shrugs. “And Mark, college is a lot of work too.”

 

 _Wut. Jaemin was here with Renjun?_ Donghyuck shakes off the thought.  _It's not important. Today's supposed to be his day with Mark. He can be worried for Jeno some other time._  “I’ll have some chocolate soft serve in a cone.”

 

“Got it. Mark, what would you like?”

 

“I’ll have some cookies and cream with watermelon sherbet.”

 

“Hyung, that’s gross.” Hyuck sticks out his tongue and Mark laughs. They sit down at a booth and stare at each other quietly while enjoying their ice cream. Mark is carefully eating his two flavors separately with a spoon while Donghyuck is licking his chocolate cone.

 

“Hyuck?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Do you think Jeno likes you?” Donghyuck almost drops his cone.

 

“Huh? Of course not. He likes Nana.” One of Mark’s eyebrows raises.

 

"I don't think he would keep on pursuing Nana. Jaemin's clearly made a choice if he's going on dates with Renjun. As far as I know, I don't think Jeno has ever taken Jaemin on a date."

 

"That makes sense. What are you implying?"

 

“Wouldn’t you say Jen's been acting a little too close to you lately?”

 

“No? We’ve literally just been planning Jaemin’s birthday party out. Hyung, are you jealous?”

 

“N-no!” Mark’s face is turning the color of his sorbet.

 

“You sound jealous. It’s kind of cute.”

 

“I just… I’ve been meaning to ask you this for a while.” Donghyuck tilts his head in surprise. “Will you be my boyfriend?”

 

“What?”

 

“I think.. I think I’m in love with you Hyuck. I’m in love with your smile and your stupid jokes and how you basically bully me around but I secretly love the attention you give me and your cute little pout when I don’t let you kiss me but I really want to kiss you oh my god I’m talking too much-”

 

“Hyung? Calm down. You didn’t even let me reply.” Donghyuck is beaming. His heart is fluttering like a tiny little butterfly over a pretty garden in the springtime.

 

“Are you going to um.. Reject me now?” Mark is holding a spoon in midair, the ice cream on it starting to melt.

 

“You dork, what do you think? I'm totally not in love with you or anything!" Donghyuck replies sarcastically. "I’ve literally been waiting so long for you to ask me this! You seriously think I'm going to reject you? Of course I want to be your boyfriend!!!”

 

“Oh.” Mark realizes.

 

“I love you so much Hyung how could you not notice?” Donghyuck is now on the same side of the booth as Mark, trying to kiss him on the cheek.

 

And Mark lets Hyuck kiss him for once.

 

“FINALLY! WHERE IS TAEYONG? HE OWES ME 10 BUCKS!” Jaehyun yells, alarming some of the other customers. 

 

Mark and Donghyuck's faces turn the same shade of pink as Mark's melted puddle of what was once ice cream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a buffer for the angst.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it <3


	12. Happy (Early?) Birthday to Jaemin!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghyuck insists that Jaemin open his card and present first. Jaemin responds that he would much rather party first and open presents last.
> 
> “Spending time with my dear friends is much more valuable than anything you guys could give me!” Jaemin then looks at Mark. “Hyung, play some music!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm late. Darn it.

It’s Sunday the 12th. 8:05 AM. Jaemin is sitting on his bed.

 

That was all he did for a while. He debates texting Renjun and going out somewhere again but then decides against it. He didn’t want to take too much of the elder’s time.

 

Jaemin goes back to sleep.

 

10:50 AM. Still nothing interesting to do. Jaemin is bored. _Maybe I could go bug Jisung or something._

 

**< 3 Jisungie <3**

 

IM BORED LET’S GO GRAB CHENLE AND DO SOMETHING

 

IM BORED TOO BUT IM OUT WITH MY MOM SO

MAYBE LATER

Chenle says he’s gonna go watch a movie at Mark’s house with Hyuck

I’m planning on going to

u should come lol

 

Uh.. Is Jeno coming?

 

Probably

Is something wrong, hyung?

 

Nah

I’ll come

Wat time?

 

Around 4?

Cya then?

 

Kk

Bye jisungie <3

Oh oops I forgot only Chenle can send you hearts

 

>:(

 

Still can’t believe u two were dating

And didn’t tell me

I had to find out from Jaehyun-hyung

 

Shut up

 

and

Bye

Lol bye

 

Sent: 10:57 AM

_Hm.. nothing to do for a few hours. I should do my homework hahahaha…_

 

So, Jaemin does his homework like the good student he is. Procrastination is bad.

 

…

 

**Mark-hyung <3**

 

Hey jisung told me ur having movie night at ur house

How come u didn’t invite me :(

r00D

 

Oh i thought hyuck told jeno to tell u

Weird

But yea u are more than welcome to come

 

Should i bring snacks?

 

Nah we have plenty

See u in a bit

 

Actually im already here lol

Nothing better to do xD

Open up

 

WAIT IM IN THE BATHROOM

AFLJHLFLHJDFHSJKAH

Hyuck don’t get the door we aren’t ready yet

Wait shoot wc

Jaemin?

 

Sent: 3:46 PM

 

Jaemin stands at the door, patiently waiting. He hears someone running down the stairs and some muffled noises. _Weird._

 

The door swings open. It’s Mark.

 

“Hi! C’mon in, Jaemin.”

 

 

“SURPRIIIIISE!!!!” A bunch of streamers and confetti land on Jaemin’s head.

 

 

“Oh, you guys! You didn’t have to!” Jaemin laughs. “And my birthday is tomorrow.”

 

“We know, we just wanted to celebrate today because it’s Sunday.” Donghyuck says, picking confetti out of his hair. “It was actually Jeno’s idea and I helped him plan it!”

 

“I see.” Jaemin sits down next to Jeno, smiling. “You’re so sweet you know that?” He squishes Jeno’s cheeks, which turn a bright shade of bubblegum pink.

 

“Anything for my best friend!”

  


Donghyuck insists that Jaemin open his card and present first. Jaemin responds that he would much rather party first and open presents last.

 

“Spending time with my dear friends is much more valuable than anything you guys could give me!” Jisung rolls his eyes. Jaemin then looks at Mark. “Hyung, play some music!”

 

Mark plays “Uptown Funk,” to which only he knows the lyrics. Everyone is dancing along. Jaemin lets himself go. Out of the corner of his eye though, he spots Jeno being a bit .. touchy with Hyuck. Mark looks a bit annoyed, slowly inching closer to Donghyuck, who’s going all out with the dancing, waving his hands in the air. Jisung is twirling Chenle around. _Cute. My babies are growing up._ Jaemin sighs and replaces his frown with a smile.

 

_It doesn’t bother me._

 

Jeno has his hand around Donghyuck’s waist when they walk back to the sofa after a few songs. Hyuck doesn’t seem to mind.

 

_Goddammit it bothers me._

 

Jaemin resumes his seat back next to Jeno. Mark sits on Donghyuck’s other side, visibly fuming.

 

“Hey, Jeno, can you go fetch the cake?”

 

“Uh..sure. Hyuck? Want to help me with the candles?”

 

“Okay!”

 

Jaemin raises an eyebrow at Mark. Mark looks about as confused as he is. A few minutes pass until Jaemin hears Hyuck yell in the kitchen.

 

“Jeno-yah! Both hands on the cake!”

 

“Sorry!” Jaemin feels his blood boiling. He mentally scolds himself to calm down. _It’s just Jeno being clumsy. I’m overthinking this._

 

Jeno returns with the cake. _Strawberry? Aw.. he knows what I like. Maybe I am just overreacting._

 

“Hey Jeno.”

 

“Yea?”

 

“Thank you for this~” Jaemin leans over to kiss Jeno’s cheek. Jeno raises his hand to block it. Jaemin takes Jeno’s hand and kisses it instead. Jeno blinks at him.

 

“What was that for?”

 

“I’m thanking you?” Jaemin tries his best to ignore the fact that he was just rejected. But the sinking feeling in his heart was only aggravated by how closely Jeno was hugging the copper-haired boy to his left.

 

Happy Birthday to you (Hyuck goes 'woot woot')

Happy Birthday to you ('you smell like a zoo', Jaemin hears Jisung sing)

Happy Birthday to Jaemin! ('hyunggg', adds Chenle)

Happy Birthday toooo...  (Donghyuck motions for a pause.) yoouuuuuu (A very high note is added at the 6th U) uuuuuuuu! Donghyuck stops the ~~dis~~ harmony and Jaemin bursts out laughing. Everyone else soon joins in the chorus of laughter.

 

 

Mark cuts the cake. Jaemin is still eyeing the hand that’s still on Donghyuck’s waist.

 

Jaemin knows he didn’t have a right to be angry. Jaemin knows that this was supposed to be a happy day. Jaemin knows that Jeno and Hyuck have put in a lot of effort organizing this party. But the empty stinging feeling crept up from his chest and shoulders, and went straight to his head.

 

“You know if you guys were dating, you could have just told me. Not have me have to find out at my own birthday party..” Jaemin sets down his cake and accusingly glares at Jeno and Donghyuck, standing.

 

“Jaemin…we-” Hyuck begins to speak, only to be cut off.

 

“Jeno, you can tell me anything! Instead you avoided me all week.. “

 

“Jaemin, we were trying to keep your party a surprise.” Jeno says defensively.

 

“Don’t act like it was all just party planning. You were deliberately ignoring me all week. I didn’t come here to find out that two of my friends have been going out behind my back!”

 

“Haven’t you been going out with Renjun behind my back?” Jeno eyebrows furrow, now on his feet. He clenches his fists.

 

“We’re just friends! Is this what this is to you? Revenge?”

 

“...”

 

“Well it worked.” Jaemin’s eyes are watering. “He’s been a better friend to me than you anyway.” He bites down on his words.

 

“I-”

 

“Aren’t we best friends Jeno?.. no.. ARE WE EVEN FRIENDS?” Hard.

 

_I’m not going to cry today. No._

  


Jaemin turns around. Donghyuck is shrinking in his seat. “And Hyuck.. I can’t believe you kept this from me too. You knew I liked him too. Seriously, f-ck you both!”

 

“Jaemin-ah!” Jeno calls after him.

Jaemin leaves the party, slamming the front door behind him. Seeing Jeno be all friendly with Hyuck.. On his f-cking birthday, was just too much. _This was all too much. It all made no f-cking sense._

 

...

 

Jeno suddenly realizes that he might have gone too far. Donghyuck starts crying in the other room, wailing about how Jaemin probably hates him now. Chenle and Jisung could be heard attempting to console him, but consoling people isn’t exactly their strong suit. He stands there for a moment, trying to take in the gravity of the situation that he had created.

 

“You’ve taken this too far.”

 

“Mark-hyung?”

 

“Hyuck and I have been kind of discussing this.. But I don’t think you should keep pursuing Jaemin.”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“It’s really hard to say this, you know, but I feel like Jaemin has a stronger emotional bond with Renjun.”

 

“But he goes to me whenever he’s down.”

 

“Jeno, I think he only finds physical comfort with you. And stop getting Hyuck involved in your petty drama.”

 

“What?.. I don’t know what you’re talking about. He suggested this whole thing.”

 

“He only suggested to plan this surprise party, not to pretend to be your boyfriend?”

 

“...”

 

“Jeno, Hyuck and I are dating. You can stop using him to make Jaemin jealous now.”

 

“...Since when?”

 

“Since you decided on your own that it’s acceptable to toy with your friends like this. Now get out of my house.” Mark storms off.

 

…

 

Jaemin runs.. as fast as he can..and he doesn’t care where he ended up. Just anywhere away from _there._

 

He doesn’t know how he ended up at Renjun’s house, but he couldn’t have been more thankful.

 

“Jaemin? What are you doing here?” Renjun is wearing his derpy Moomin pajamas again.. _Well he probably wears them to sleep.. Everyday. Cute._ Jaemin smiles at the sight. His cheeks are stained red and damp and he can feel the concern in Renjun’s eyes.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

Jaemin’s smile rapidly changes to a pained expression as he glomps Renjun, hugging the elder to his chest and whispering

 

“I am now.”

  


“Let’s go inside, we’ll catch a cold out here.”

 

“Alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry about the angst but this is an angst fic  
> Jaemin deserves the world you guys i am just a mean author TAT


	13. HAPPY JAEMIN DAY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I can’t wait to show you your present at lunch!”
> 
> “I can’t wait to see it!” Jaemin pats Renjun’s head. 
> 
> “Let’s go to math! We don’t want to be late again like last time.”
> 
> F-ck. Jaemin thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm LATE bUT I pRoMISE THIS ONE is HapPy >A<
> 
> i also wrote this in like a hour it's rushed im sorry

Jaemin is snuggled up to Renjun on Renjun’s bed.

 

“Are you feeling better now?”

 

“Yea.” Jaemin lets out a sniffle.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

 

“Maybe later…” Jaemin pulls Renjun closer to him.

 

“Hey look! It’s midnight! Happy Birthday!” Renjun points at his alarm clock.

 

“Wait, you know when my birthday is?”

 

“Yea, Chenle told me.”

 

“Oh.” _Sneaky little dolphin. I should thank him later._ “Renjun?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“I love you~”

 

“I love you too.”

 

“I have something for you.”

 

“Really? What is it?”

 

“Surprise. It’s actually at school. I’ll show you tomorrow at lunch.”

 

“I can’t wait! Dammit...” Jaemin whines.

 

“You’re going to have to wait!” Renjun laughs.

 

“Can I have a present now?” Jaemin pouts, jutting out his lower lip as he looks at Renjun with puppy eyes.

 

“Huh?” What do you mean?”

 

“Kiss me.”

 

…

 

Mark hands Jaemin a box on Monday morning before the first bell rings. “From Jeno,” he says. “I’ll bring the rest of your gifts to your house later. I’m sorry about what happened.”

 

Jaemin nods a silent ‘thank you’ to Mark and hesitantly opens it.

 

I’m sorry for not paying you any attention last week. I was planning this party for you :D

I love you, Jaemin. I didn’t know what to get you, honestly I think you deserve the world! But here's some chapstick (you need it) so we can go back to “less talking, more kissing.” xoxoxo -Jen

 

Jaemin stands there, unsure if he should be more conflicted about the rainbow assortment of chapstick or Jeno’s note. _Should I be offended or thankful?_ The bell’s about to ring, and Jaemin hastily shoves the gift into his locker after pocketing a red chapstick.

 

…

 

Jaemin wonders if he should just skip math. _Detention’s better than facing Jeno. Meh. It’s his birthday. And he only gets detention if he’s caught._ Jaemin spends the rest of first period doodling in his notebook, drowning out whatever his English teacher is saying. The bell rings and he trudges slowly to his locker.

 

“Jaemin!” He hears a voice call.

 

“Injunnie!”

 

“Hey! Happy Birthday, again!” Renjun runs up to Jaemin and hugs him.

 

“Thank you~”

 

“I can’t wait to show you your present at lunch!”

 

“I can’t wait to see it!” Jaemin pats Renjun’s head.

 

“Let’s go to math! We don’t want to be late again like last time.”

 

_F-ck. I don't want to see him._

 

“Uh.. right. Okay.”

 

…

 

Jeno is already in his seat by the time they arrive. He has his headphones plugged in and has his head propped up by his arms. He snaps out of his trance after Jaemin takes his seat next to him.

 

Jaemin looks at him with a hurt expression and it drives Jeno crazy. Jeno forces a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

 

The bell rings and the classroom quiets down. Mrs. Kim walks in and frowns immediately once she sees Jeno.

 

“Lee Jeno, class is starting. Please look like it.”

 

“Sorry!” Jeno takes out his headphones and droops in his seat.

 

Jaemin can’t help but look concerned.

 

…

 

“WHOA IT’S ME!” Jaemin looks genuinely amazed, with his mouth wide open in a gigantic smile. “I thought you were drawing yourself though?”

 

“Yea.. I’m sorry I lied. I wanted to surprise you.”

 

“And surprise you did! It’s beautiful, Injunnie!”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“It even looks more beautiful than me in real life!” Jaemin’s comment earns himself a playful punch from Renjun, who’s trying not to laugh.

 

“I’ll get it framed and I’ll bring it to your house later”

 

“Thank you so much! Wow!” Jaemin scoops Renjun into a hug, disregarding the stares he’s getting from the other people in the art room.

 

“Anything for you.. Now put me down… people are looking at us..” Renjun blushes.

 

…

 

Jeno decides to apologize to Donghyuck first. He catches him on his way to the cafeteria and taps on his shoulder.

 

“I’m really sorry Hyuck.. You didn’t deserve that.”

 

“...” Donghyuck has a blank expression.

 

“I shouldn’t have used our friendship like that…” Jeno tries his best to look sincere. He was actually being sincere, but he wanted Donghyuck to know it.

 

“Jeno. I forgive you.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“But I think Jaemin deserves better.”

 

“Okay.” Jeno manages to choke out.

 

…

 

Jeno decides to apologize to Mark next in their shared Chemistry course. Jeno walks over to Mark’s lab table as soon as cleanup is finished.

 

“Hyung?”

 

“What.”

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you and Hyuck were dating. I already apologized to him. Um… “

 

“Okay? And you expect me to forgive you because?”

 

“Because I value our friendship. Our friendship is worth more than my own petty feelings. I’m really sorry.”

 

“Jeno. Your feelings aren’t petty. Don’t feel that way.”

 

“But..”

 

“I should actually be thanking you. You being so close to Hyuck gave me the courage to finally ask him out. I was quite jealous you know?”

 

“Oh.”

 

“It’s alright. And if you really like Jaemin, you shouldn’t give up so easily.”

 

“Thank you hyung.” Jeno almost bursts into tears while Mark smiles.

 

“Come here you dummy.” Mark gives Jeno a bro-hug, patting his back.

 

…

 

 _Apologizing to Jaemin would be a lot harder_ , Jeno thinks.

 

Jaemin is obviously ignoring him, clinging onto Jisung every moment he could,

 

“Jisungie you cutie stop running away!”

 

“Hyung I can’t practice if you’re hugging me!” Jisung cries.

 

“But you’re just so cuuute!”

 

Jeno rolls his eyes and prays Jaemin didn’t notice him in the mirror.

 

…

 

“Jaemin-ah.” No response.

 

“Jaemin..” No response.

 

“Jaemin.” Still no response.

 

“Jaemin-ahhh” Jeno latches himself onto Jaemin’s arm and begins shaking him.

 

“What?” Jaemin looks annoyed. He shuts his locker and gives Jeno a disinterested look. 

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“What? Say it louder, I couldn’t hear you.”

 

“I’M SORRY. What do I have to do to get you to forgive me?”

 

“...”

 

“Jaemin?”

 

“You’re forgiven.”

 

“What?” _Wait something isn’t right. That was way too easy…_

 

“I said, you’re forgiven. Donghyuck told me how sorry you sounded.”

 

“Eh?”

 

“I didn’t realize you’d be THIS jealous of Injunnie though.” Jaemin looks amused.

 

“Eh? I’m not jealous…”

 

“Sure you aren’t. Your face is sooo red right now.”

 

“I’m not!”

 

“Prove it!” Jaemin has a mischievous grin on his face. Jeno leans in to kiss Jaemin only to be denied with a hand to his face.

 

“Hey!”

 

“Payback, bitch.” Jaemin is about to fall over laughing.

 

Jeno facepalms and shakes his head, trying to conceal his disbelief of the situation.

 

“Oh come here, you~”

 

Jeno feels a pair of soft lips on his.

 

_Strawberry._


	14. When feelings collide (they tangle)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Jaemin-ah…”
> 
> “Jeno. What are we exactly?”
> 
> “Right now, we’re best-friends. But we can be more, if you want...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theory as to why Jaemin’s lips are so dry: too much kissing ;-;
> 
> Someone give the boy some chapstick

Jeno is proud of the gift he gave Jaemin. The way that Jaemin would lick and smack his chapped lips drove Jeno crazy. The boy’s lips have been getting drier and drier lately and he seriously wondered why.

 

_He better not have been kissing Renjun behind my back all this time._

 

Jeno gets up and walks from his desk to his bed, where a certain caramel-haired boy was napping quietly. He sits down and (creepily) admires Jaemin for a while. His long eyelashes complimented his soft features while his sharp jawline highlighted them. Strands of slightly overgrown bangs seemed to tickle his forehead.

 

“Jeno? How long have you been staring at me for?” Jaemin’s eyes are open, eyelashes fluttering aggressively, sending Jeno into panic. A wide grin is plastered on his face.

 

“Shut up.. I wasn’t staring. Don’t tease me like that.” Jeno withers into a shriveled tomato- at least, that’s what he felt like. Jaemin’s intense gaze makes its way to Jeno’s lips, and leaves scorch marks as it bounces back to his eyes. Jeno’s hands tighten their grip, scrunching the bedsheets. He is trying his best not to squirm - Jaemin is not looking away - but the task is very hard.

 

“Mhm. Whatever you say, lover-boy.” The strength is still trickling from Jeno’s body when Jaemin closes his eyes and returns to sleep.

 

_Jaemin.. If only you knew what you do to me._

 

“Jaemin-ah! Wake up! I’m hungry!” Jeno says as he starts shaking Jaemin, who had just fallen asleep.

 

“JAEMIN-AH!” Jaemin doesn’t stir.

  


“Let’s eat. I’m hung-” Jeno gets a pillow thrown at him.

 

...

 

“Hey Jeno?”

 

“Huh?” Jeno’s mouth is full of the noodles Jaemin had just made. Jaemin is sitting there watching him eat with a contentedness only described as _endearing._

 

“I’m sorry too for what happened Sunday... I overreacted.”

 

“No, it’s my fault. You didn’t deserve that.”

 

“I don’t know what came over me. I was just so mad you know? You said you wanted a chance to be something more but all you did was kiss me. It made me really sad actually..”

 

“What?”

 

“It made me sad that all you saw me as was… someone to fool around with and I got really jealous when it seemed like you had actual feelings for Hyuck.”

 

“Jaemin-ah…”

 

“Jeno. What are we exactly?”

 

“Right now, we’re best-friends. But we can be more, if you want...”

 

“Bed. Now.”

 

Jaemin grabs Jeno (Who has a noodle hanging out of his mouth) by the hand. Jeno doesn’t resist and lets himself be dragged sideways to his bedroom.

 

“My food will be cold now..” Jeno whimpers as Jaemin pushes him down onto the bed.

 

“I’m hungry too, you know.” Jaemin whispers into Jeno’s ear as he trails kisses along the crisp jawline of the boy pinned beneath him. Jeno closes his eyes and rests his hands on the younger’s waist while Jaemin begins nibbling on his neck.

 

“Jaemin-ah…” Jeno moans Jaemin’s name as Jaemin kisses him, tongue exploring the roof of his mouth.

 

 

 

…

 

 

 

Jaemin tries to get into it. He really does. But he couldn't help pretending that the person he was kissing wasn’t Jeno.

 

_Am I in love with both of them?_

 

He forces himself to block out the thought of Renjun and re-focuses on the raven-haired boy under him. If it were Renjun, he would have stopped right there and cuddled the small boy to sleep. But this is Jeno. His hands find their way to the waistband of Jeno’s pants, fingers grasping the fabric and feeling the soft skin underneath.

 

“Jaemin, stop...” Jeno hastily breaks off the kiss, saliva still connecting their mouths, causing Jaemin to freeze and open his eyes.

 

“O-Okay. What’s wrong?” Jaemin props himself up with his arms and could feel himself sinking into the bed, his body adjusting to a feeling of withdrawal. His heart pounds uncomfortably against his chest as Jeno places a hand on his cheek, caressing it.

 

“From now on, let’s try taking things slow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They still have Go-era colored hair in this fic lol  
> Did they give Jeno a different hair color I could have sworn it was red as Renjun's hair back then?
> 
> Anyway this one was nomin, (there's another nomin drought) maybe renmin next (????) C:  
> Who is winning though I can't tell dammit I feel like I'm writing a long game of tug of war and for some reason tiny renjun has a lead. xD
> 
> tbh rip jaemin in the next few


	15. When they tangle (they must be cut)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I thought about what you said. We should take things slowly from now on. Are you free tomorrow?”
> 
> “No, Jeno…” 
> 
> “Wednesday?”
> 
> “Jeno. No.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y i k es

 

Jaemin knows he can’t make everyone happy. It just saddens him that he can’t just take away all their pain and give it to himself instead.

 

_Jeno wouldn’t be satisfied with just a friendship but I can’t give him more._

 

But he likes Jeno. He’s always liked Jeno. Jeno likes him. He knows Jeno likes him. Loves him even. Would do anything for him. He loves Jeno too. But being with Jeno would make his bottled up pain explode and it will break him.They needed someone to ground them. At least, he knew _he_ needed someone to ground _him_ … And Renjun ended up bringing him the emotional comfort that he heavily missed.

 

_Renjun makes me happy. Right? I can be happy without Jeno._

 

No, who is he kidding? As selfish as it is, he needs both. Seeing Jeno happy makes him happy and Renjun is there for him when he needs it.

 

_Do I have to break one of them?_

  
  
  


“Jeno.”

 

“I thought about what you said. We should take things slowly from now on. Are you free tomorrow?”

 

“No, Jeno…”

 

“Wednesday?”

 

“Jeno. No.”

 

“Saturday?”

 

“Jeno, I’m not interested. I’m sorry.” Jaemin’s gaze falls.

 

“What… but you came over and.. You kissed me.. You .. you even cooked for me.. What do you mean you aren’t interested?”

 

_Is he trying to guilt trip me now? Jeno-yah...._

  


“I can’t do this anymore… We have to end this now... all of it.”

 

“Why?” _God, Jeno sounds like he’s pleading.._

 

“Because…  you deserve better than me.”  _I can't give you what you want._

 

“No, Nana… you’re everything to me.. Please don’t go..” 

 

“...”

  


Saying ‘no’ isn’t supposed to be this hard. But Jeno is his best friend. Jaemin loves Jeno. Jaemin would do anything for Jeno too. It shouldn’t be this way, but it is, and it hurts.

 

_Mark-hyung.. Do I really have to choose when I could make both happy instead? Can't you see how hard it is?_

  


“Is this about Renjun?”

 

“Don’t bring him into this..” _Not again..._

 

“Are you in love with him?” Jeno grits his teeth.

 

“In fact, yes, I am in love with him. I’m going to ask him out tomorrow.”

 

“...”

 

“Jeno… please don’t cry….”

 

_I love you too.._

 

“I’ll let you do anything you want to me… Anything.”

 

_No, Jeno… stop it…._

 

“I…”

 

“Please… you can do whatever you want to me… don’t leave me..”

 

_Stop begging me.. please..._

 

“Jeno….”

 

_I love you..._

 

“Just don’t go…”

 

_I don’t want to go..._

“Please stop crying…”

 

_But it’s for the best. It’s not that I love you any less. You don’t deserve this..._

 

“I love you…”

 

_I’m sorry..._

 

“Jeno…” Jaemin wants to cry too, but he knows he can’t. _It would break Jeno._

 

And Jaemin doesn’t have the heart to hurt him any more than he already has.

 

 

“Stay.”

 

“Okay.”

 

 

“Tell me you love me.”

 

“I love you.”

  


_I’m not happy if he’s not happy. Guess I’ll never be happy then…_

  
  


“Kiss me.”

 

“Okay.”

 

_I’m sorry, Renjun._

_You don’t deserve this either._

_I’m too weak._

  


…

  
  


“Junnie!”

 

“Jaemin? Good Morning?”

 

“Are you busy after school?”

 

“Uh… No?”

 

“Good. Meet me by the lockers right when the bell rings.”

 

“Uh… Sure?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nomin on its own seems to be a toxic mess.. >.> I have nothing against Jeno I swear TAT this fic just took a wrong turn...
> 
> We're getting noren interaction next, let's see how it goes~ (Jeno, honey, please do not hurt Renjun.)


	16. Truce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeno wakes up on his own. His eyelids gently open and he looks around. 15 minutes have passed. Another hour to go. He slumps in his seat and distracts himself by actually taking notes for once.10 minutes later he notices out of the corner of his eye that Jaemin too has fallen asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a random piece of artwork in here..  
> it's 4 AM and i'm not sure wtf I am doing with my life

Jeno tries to become on good terms with Renjun. It’s the least he can do. Be the bigger person.

 

“Renjun.”

 

Renjun is greeted in math by Jeno first, not Jaemin.

 

“What do you want?” The small boy takes his seat and turns back around to face Jeno.

 

“To get to know you.” Jeno tries to state calmly. Jaemin eyes the situation quietly, hands nervously fidgeting underneath his desk.

 

“What?” Renjun looks genuinely surprised, staring blankly at Jeno.

 

“I think we got off on the wrong foot. Can we start over?”

 

“Uh…….” Renjun doesn’t get a chance to respond as Mrs. Kim walks into the classroom.

 

Jeno sighs, feeling a bit discouraged. Class starting shouldn’t signal his defeat. He waits for another time to strike.

 

But for now, he’s going to take a nap in class.

 

***

 

“Jaemin-ah!” Jeno calls out.

 

“Jeno?” Jeno walked up to a 12 year old Jaemin, who was sitting alone on a swing in their neighborhood playground.

 

“What’s wrong? What are you doing here alone? It’s going to get dark soon.” The sun was beginning to set, a beautiful coral painting the clouds.

 

“It’s nothing, Jeno. I’m okay.” Jeno sat down on the other swing and rocked himself forward a bit, letting the momentum carry him. Jaemin sat still.

 

“Jaemin.” Jeno stood up and walked behind the boy, who was shorter than him then.

 

“...”

 

“Lemme push you.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“D-do you want to talk about it?” Jeno asked as he gave Jaemin a light push.

 

“No..” Jeno sighs.

 

“Do you feel any better now?” Jeno asked again after a few more pushes.

 

“...Yea.” Jaemin smiled as they watched the sunset together.

 

The playground has since been burned down by some idiot who couldn’t dispose of his cigarette.

 

***

 

Jeno wakes up on his own. His eyelids gently open and he looks around. 15 minutes have passed. Another hour to go. He slumps in his seat and distracts himself by actually taking notes for once.10 minutes later he notices out of the corner of his eye that Jaemin too has fallen asleep.

 

_We should have slept more. Today is a school day.._

 

Jeno stretches out his legs. The rest of the hour slowly ticks by.

 

*RING RING RING*

 

Jeno sees Jaemin open his eyes abruptly at the sound of the bell. _Poor Jaemin.._ He thinks. _I really shouldn’t have made him sleep over…_

 

“Jaeminn.. Wake up let’s go!” Renjun spins around in his chair to face a half-asleep Jaemin, who blinks once or twice and mutters something inaudible.

 

“Renjun-ah.” Renjun rapidly turns again to face Jeno. _Oo I got his attention now._ Jeno thinks he’s smart.

 

“What?”

 

“Let’s eat lunch together.” Jaemin and Renjun look at each other briefly. Jaemin nods and to Jeno, their exchange seems like some form of bizarre silent communication.

 

“Okay. I’ll eat at your table today.” Renjun shoves his things in his bag and stands. “Are we ready to go?”

 

Jaemin nods and Jeno involuntarily copies the action.

 

_Great. Now I’m doing it too._

 

…

 

“For the last time Hyuck, i-grek is not an insult, it’s just the letter Y in French.”

 

“Hyung, stop being an i-grek.”

 

“What is that supposed to even mean?????” Mark flails his arms around to show his frustration, much to Donghyuck’s amusement.

 

“Heh.. how come you suddenly have so much energy? Are you excited now or excité?”

 

“Oh f-ck you.” Mark growls.

 

“I know you want to, but now is not the time or place.” Donghyuck wiggles his eyebrows, sending Mark into a blushing panicking mess.

 

“You two are disgusting.” Chenle grimaces.

 

“Get a room.. Please.” Jisung adds.

 

Mark is about to smother Hyuck (probably with kisses, lol) when Jeno and Renjun arrive, trailed by a very exhausted looking Jaemin.

 

“Hello. I’m here again.” Renjun says, looking around. “Are those two always like this?”

 

“Ge you’re always welcome here. And yes, they’re dating.” Chenle makes another grossed-out face. “You two need to stop. There are children here.” He covers Jisung’s eyes with his hand.

 

“Thanks, I needed that.” Jisung makes a little scrunched up grin.

 

Renjun takes a seat next to Chenle and Jaemin sits next to Jisung. Jeno sits next to Mark, and ends up directly across Renjun.

 

“Why am I stuck next to these two lovebirds?” Jeno winces, gesturing to Mark trying to avoid Hyuck kissing him in front of everyone else.

 

“Psh… as if you and Jaemin don’t eat off each other’s faces everyday aft- OW” Mark nudges Hyuck in the stomach. Jaemin rolls his eyes while Renjun looks a bit embarassed.

 

“No, Hyuck. Unlike you some of us are actually civilized humans who do more than make out.” Jeno retorts. Jeno notices Jaemin actually trying to stop himself from smirking.

 

“So.. Renjun. Do you have any hobbies?”

 

“Yea. I like to draw.”

 

“Cool. Maybe you can show me some of your drawings some time. I would like to see them.”

 

“Uh.. sure.. I guess.” Renjun shrugs. Jaemin hands Renjun a sandwich and Jeno is unable to continue the conversation he worked ~~so hard~~ to start.

 

“Oh.. I forgot to tell you Mark, I wasn’t at home the time you said you were going to stop over so…” Jaemin scratches his head.

 

“Yea I figured…since I gave them to your mom. Did she not tell you?”

 

“Uh..” Jaemin was going to say that he was at Jeno’s, but then he remembers that Renjun was there. “She did. I just wanted to thank you again for bringing them over.”

 

At this, Jeno almost scoffs. _Psh.. liar._

 

“No problem, it wasn’t a big deal. Your house is on the way to mine anyway. Plus I can drive.”

 

“Hyuung, we get it. You can drive. Chill with the flex!” Donghyuck gets a nudge in the side and he yelps in pain.

 

“Hyung, did you like the shirt I gave you?” Jisung asks.

 

“Geez, why would he like it? You literally had this face of him printed on a neon green t-shirt!” Chenle whips out his phone for everyone to see.

 

 

 

“Wait wrong photo..”

 

 

 

Chenle stifles a giggle.

Jisung starts pounding the table laughing.

 

Jaemin mouths a “You what?” and rubs his forehead in disbelief.

Renjun tells Chenle to send the photos to him later.

Jeno almost dies laughing.

 

...

 

The news that Jaemin had asked Renjun out anyway hit him like a truck. Renjun of course said yes.

 

Mark had said before that Jaemin will eventually have to choose. It was causing problems for everyone. Jeno doesn’t know how to respond now that it actually happened.

 

_Jaemin loves me and I love him. So why can’t we be together?_

_It’s not like he’s afraid of commitment right?_

_What is he afraid of then?_

_Does he think that it wouldn’t work out between us?_

 

The whole day is rather a blur now. He only remembers helplessly watching Jaemin kissing Renjun after school.

 

_Oh why did stupid Renjun have to transfer? What does he have that I don’t?_

_Why him and not me?_

 

And his heart hurting.

 

_I would have done anything for you, Jaemin._

_How could you?_

_You didn’t even give me a chance to be something more than just a toy to you…._

_You always threaten to end things whenever I wanted…_

_I just want you to love me the way I love you…_

 

“Jeno?” Jaemin looks at him strangely during their break in the middle of dance practice. Jeno turns away, refusing to make eye contact, and instead stares at his reflection in the mirror.

 

_..What is wrong with you Jaemin?_

_Can’t you see how miserable I am without you?_

 

Jeno looks like he’s about to cry. So he takes a sip from his water bottle and forces a smile. He then resumes dance practice, feeling Jaemin’s gaze still lingering on him.

 

It would be best if he avoided Jaemin from now on. And Renjun didn’t do anything to him…

 

_I’m not a terrible person…_

_I’m just selfish._

 

Yea, Renjun didn’t do anything…

 

_Right?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol I haven't drawn anything all year don't judge me.  
> It's a very rough doodle =w= I do not have time to draw tanbark anyway..  
> I am making up for the unfluffiness of nomin so far.. if you like what you see maybe I'll draw more~  
> We haven't been in Renjun's head in a while so I guess it's his turn.


	17. Sharing is caring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of his week felt… VERY VERY VERY VERY WEIRD.  
> Renjun thinks Jeno has been replaced by an android or alien or something.  
> It was just weird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updates might be slow.. I just moved to college >.> nyc is lit y'all

Renjun could have sworn he saw someone watching from the corner of his eye. As Jaemin enveloped him in a tight hug, a foreign feeling struck him. _Jeno? Is that you?_

 

“Renjun, I know we haven’t known each other for very long, but I really like you. You’re always there for me, and I think that what we have is really precious. Can we make it official?”

 

“You want me.. To be your boyfriend?”

 

“Yea. I do.”

 

“Okay, Jaemin. If that’s what you want.” Renjun chuckled and let his fingers trail to Jaemin’s waist. Jaemin placed a light peck on his lips, asking for permission, which he gladly gave.

 

_Strawberry? His lips are soft today.. Yum._

 

Did Renjun feel bad? Maybe just a little… Maybe he was intruding on a relationship after all.

 

…

 

The rest of his week felt… VERY VERY VERY VERY WEIRD.

Renjun thinks Jeno has been replaced by an android or alien or something.

It was just weird.

 

Wednesday.

 

“Renjun-ah?” Renjun knows that voice, so he doesn’t turn around to look at the owner.

 

“................. please address me formally. We don’t know each other that well.”

 

“Sorry.”

 

“What are you doing here?” _This is the art room. Intruders are not permitted unless you are Jaemin._

 

“Just wanted to stop by.” Jeno’s voice is quieter now.

 

“Uh. Okay?” _That came out a bit .. sarcastic._

 

“I really meant it when I said I wanted to see your drawings.” _Oh._

 

Renjun tries to soften his voice. “Well, now you have.”

Jeno starts shuffling through a stack of drawings. Renjun continues sketching.

 

“Why are they all of Jaemin?” Renjun nearly wheezes.

 

“Uh.. oh those? I was practicing for his b-day gift.” _Smooth.. God Renjun you are so whipped. Jeno probably thinks you’re hopeless. Wait.. that’s kind of ironic because he’s also whipped and ausofdhsulag-_

 

“You drew him for his birthday?”

 

“Y-yea.”

 

“Wow, that’s really thoughtful!”

 

“Yes, I agree with you.”

 

“I mean it, Injunnie that really is sweet of you. You must like Jaemin a lot.”

 

Renjun wants to punch Jeno right there and now, but he can’t, because freaking Jeno was actually being nice.

 

“..Yea, I guess.”

 

“Ah.. do you have anything else?”

 

“I took most of the home with me. I have a few sketches of people passing by though. I like drawing people.”

 

“Hmm.. are you working on anything in particular right now?”

 

“Not really.” Renjun realizes as he answers that he probably should have lied and said ‘yes’.

 

“Maybe.. Maybe you could draw me..” _There’s a tone of curiosity in his voice..._

 

“...”

 

“If it’s not too much to ask..?”

 

“Hmm… sure? I guess?” _Yep. I should have lied. F-ck._

 

…

 

Thursday.

 

“Hey, Renjun.”

 

“Uh…………………. hi Jeno-ssi.” Renjun mutters, preoccupied with selecting snacks from a vending machine.

 

“Whatcha doing?”

 

“Buying some snacks for.. J-my boyfriend.”

 

“Oh.” Jeno gulps.

 

“I’m getting the strawberry wafers.”

 

“Uh… he doesn’t like those.. He hates the strawberry-flavored ones.”

 

“Uh.. I’m pretty sure he likes strawberries? He’s always munching on them during lunch and feeding them to me.” Renjun is starting to suspect something..

 

“No, he literally swears those things are atrocious.” _Oh no, not today Mr. Lee. You can’t fool me._

 

“Look, I know you like Jaemin. But I’m not going to-”

 

“He doesn’t like how it tastes fake. He’ll practically inhale a chocolate milk though. You’re welcome.”

 

_Ugh. He better not be trying to sabotage me._

 

“To be honest though, I think he’ll eat anything, as long as it’s from you.”

 

 _“..._ Thanks.”

 

Now that Renjun thinks about it.. Jaemin’s lip balm tastes like actual strawberries.

 

 

“Aw Renjun… how did you know I like chocolate milk?” Jaemin is happily sipping his drink, staring lovingly at his new boyfriend.

 

“I was going to get you strawberry wafers.. But I was told you like chocolate milk more..”

 

“I’m lactose intolerant.” Renjun chokes on his wafer.

 

_F-CK OMFG I GOT FOOLED BY JENO WHAT THE F-CK?????????@#@( &*@A~!!! _

 

“Uh………..” Renjun tries to think of something appropriate to say, but no words were formulating. Perhaps a simple apology would suffice. They’ve only been dating for what? A day and a half?

 

“Renjun.. You’re turning blue, please breathe… Chocolate milk is my guilty pleasure, don’t worry about it.”

 

“................”

 

“You should stop eating that wafer. It’s disgusting. Is that why you’re turning blue?”

 

“.....oh thank god.” Renjun manages to cough out. “I thought you liked strawberries though?”

“I do, but artificial flavoring tastes like .. I don’t know.. GMOS and diabetes?”

 

“... Uh.. are either of those things tastable?”

 

“Meh.. Jeno knows where all the best places to get food are.. I want to take you to this bakery that makes really good strawberry cake! It’s all fresh and tastes amazing!”

 

_Jeno._

 

Renjun knows he can’t compare to someone who’s known Jaemin for years and years and years. But he wasn’t planning on losing Jaemin to Jeno… and he wasn’t...

 

“... You think about him a lot, don’t you?”

 

“....” Jaemin looks down.

 

“You really like him, don’t you?”

 

“Yea..” he says hesitantly. “He’s special to me.”

 

“I see.” Renjun felt a lump grow in his throat. “Jaemin, but we’re dating now..”

 

“I know... but I can’t help it.” Renjun can feel the sincerity in Jaemin’s words, and it felt .. weird. _Like the truth itself was just.._

 

It just makes no sense.

 

“Really?”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Do you love us equally or is it...?” Renjun braces himself for the worst outcome.

 

“I don’t know if I love him.. I just care about him, that’s all.  I-I love… I love you, Renjun.”

 

“And I only love you, Jaemin.”

 

It feels weird. Renjun should be angry. But Renjun isn’t. Renjun isn’t totally against the idea of sharing Jaemin.. as long as Jaemin was happy. And as long as the person he’s sharing with isn’t Jeno.

 

_Because Jeno is an asshole._

 

_THEN WHY THE HELL IS HE BEING SO NICE TO ME NOW? OH GOSH WHY IS HE EVEN TRYING TO HELP ME???_

_SOMEONE SAVE ME HOLY F-CKING SHIT_

 

Renjun spends the rest of his day aggressively drawing Moomin and trying to convince himself to hate Jeno, but it was a lot easier said than done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna write a side chapter again -_-


	18. It's only you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Jaemin…”
> 
> “Yea?”
> 
> “I’m sorry. I just wish we had more time together.”
> 
> Oh. We can still be together.  
> Renjun just can’t find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Guys!
> 
> I'm back! College is hella hectic im sorry T_T

 

Jaemin doesn’t know if he knows what love is.

 

Does Renjun love him? Yea, at least he thinks he does.

 

What about Jeno? _Jeno would do anything for me because he’s happy when he sees me happy too, right?_

 

Would Renjun do anything for him like Jeno would? _Why would Renjun like someone like me in the first place? Does he like the idea of being swept off his feet? Did he fall for my charms? Is that it? I like Renjun because he doesn’t judge me for having flaws. Or does he know exactly what my flaws are and loves me regardless? But do I love him back? What is love, anyway? Is it possible to love two people equally?_

 

_Or am I .._

_Am I just lonely? Lonely and stupid?_

 

***

 

Jeno used to be everything to me. We’d talk and laugh and play together everyday. I wouldn’t go a single day without seeing him.

 

_We’ve been together so long.. It’s not like we’re taking it too fast._

_I just want to wrap you in my arms and feel like..we’re the same person._

 

_Is this love? Maybe it’s just something I got used to_

_And took for granted._

 

***

 

Today, Renjun decides to actually draw a self portrait.

 

It’s a habit for artists to draw pieces of themselves into portraits of other people. Something about how the brain works. Jaemin wishes he paid more attention in Biology.

Jaemin swears that Renjun was drawing himself, but…..

 

“Are you imagining what our future babies would look like???” Jaemin chirps. Renjun flinches in his seat.

 

And Jaemin gets an eraser thrown at him.

 

“Hey! You can’t get rid of me that easily! My love for you is more permanent than sharpie!”

 

“Well something has to dissolve sharpie ink. Like a Tide Pen.. Or Bleach? Nothing is forever, Jaemin. Now shoo..”

 

Jaemin wraps his arms around Renjun.

 

_Nothing is forever._

 

“So let’s make our time together count.”

 

_Are my feelings more honest this way?_

_Does that mean I love him more?_

 

 _Am I just unwilling to let anything go?_   _Ironic how Jeno thinks I can't commit._

 

…

 

“Jaemin.”

 

“Hey…” Jeno is staring at him, a soft smile plastered on his face. He’s not smiling with his eyes, and Jaemin immediately senses something sour in the atmosphere. _Jeno could never be mad at me though, right?_

 

“...”

 

“What is it? You can tell me anything.. Because we’re best friends. Right Jeno?”

 

“I-I.. uh..”

 

“You?”

 

“Why him and not me? I’ve been by your side the longest. I’ve been there for you.. Always. It was just you and me and the world.”

 

“...”

 

“Why did you have to throw all of that away?” Jeno averts his gaze, and Jaemin suddenly is aware that he is probably sporting a very cold stare.

 

_Has he always guilt-tripped me like this?_

_Or am I actually just a terrible person?_

 

“I didn’t. We’re still friends.”

 

“Are we, Jaemin?”

 

“Unless you don’t want to be anymore.”

 

“... that’s not what I said.” Jeno’s voice sounds shaky, and Jaemin wonders if he should just stop talking. He’s not sure why every conversation they have now always ends up in conflict about the status of their relationship.

 

“...” People are staring now.

 

“Jaemin.. Can I ask you a question?”

 

“Yea?”

 

“Do you love Renjun-ssi?”

 

“Yea, I do.”

 

“Are you going to commit to him?”

 

“I-”

 

“Or are you just going to break his heart like you did to me?”

  


_Ouch._

 

“... I-” Before he can formulate a reply, Jeno starts again.

 

“Let’s face it. You’re scared of commitment. You wouldn’t commit then and you won’t now.” Jeno’s voice is gradually increasing in volume. Despite being the same height, Jaemin feels like he’s shrinking by the minute.

 

“Jeno…”

 

“What were we the past year? All those years? Was I just a friend to you?” Jeno’s hands are above his waist, waving in order to further enhance the articulation of his anger. Jaemin looks around them and sees curious glances thrown their way, as well as some people just flat out staring and attempting to eavesdrop.

 

“Jeno.. stop.. We’re causing a scene.”

 

“Was this about your public image? Is that more important than your so-called ‘best-friend?’”

 

“...”

 

“Are you in denial because god.. I am.. Was.. I was so in love with you. We both loved each other and you can’t deny that Jaemin.” Jeno looks like he’s about to have a breakdown again.

 

_Was. What we had is gone now huh?_

“You said I couldn’t commit and now here I am. I’m sorry I didn’t pick you.” Jaemin mutters quietly. “And if you’re no longer in love with me then.. Let me give my love to someone else.”

 

“... I didn’t mean that.”

 

“I don’t know what you mean and don’t mean. That was hurtful. I still care about you a lot Jeno. Don’t be this way..”

 

“Jaemin…”

 

“Yea?”

 

“I’m sorry. I just wish we had more time together.”

 

_Oh. We can still be together._

 

“Sorry…”

 

_Renjun just can’t find out._

 

“I never even had the chance to be something more to you.”

 

_But I’ll be a better person from now on._

_Right now..._

 

“You’ll find someone better than me. I promise.”

 

_I’m not good enough for you._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Watch the someone better be Renjun. Lol.


	19. Drippin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You got invited to a.. Party?’
> 
> “No, dumbass, Mark-hyung did. Some seniors asked him to go.”  
> “That’s even weirder to be honest.. Mark hates parties.”  
> “Exactly. SO you’re coming with me.”  
> “Why didn’t you ask Jaemin or someone ELSE who would enjoy parties more than me..?”  
> “Aw Jeno man, you are really no fun.” Hyuck starts whining, and Jeno gives in.  
> “Fine. But we’re not drinking.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Renjun is legit me when drunk..  
> Underage drinking added to the tags..

Jeno had better things to do. Things other than watch Jaemin torture.. _Okay torture is a strong word_ .. But he honestly couldn’t tell if he was turned on or in anguish watching Jaemin kiss Renjun. It’s not like he was watching them on purpose. They just happen to be right where Jeno was currently located - on the rooftop. _Okay maybe he followed them there. So what._

 

But watching Jaemin so passionately contort his tongue to slot right into Renjun’s delicate lips and caress his face gently was doing _something_ to him. He takes note at how Renjun is pressed roughly against the white wall, hair messy and face flushed, how he’s melting into Jaemin’s embrace, their voices, their breathing.. _Oh god, is this what me and Jaemin look like in the locker room?_

.

Jeno could feel his knees trembling, his adrenaline pumping, his face the color of Renjun’s and his breaths speeding up. He knows that he should probably go before he gets caught. It would be really f-cking awkward if he were to be caught too.

 

“Hrnng.. Jaemin wait.” Renjun’s breath hitched and _oh my god his moans_

 

If Jeno thought Jaemin’s moans were hot then they weren’t the only moans that were hot. Well to be fair he has only heard like his own, Jaemin’s, and _uh.._

 

Jaemin’s hands wrap themselves in Renjun’s locks, and his other han- _oh my_

 

Renjun’s hands shift from Jaemin’s waist to where Jaemin’s other hand was.. Trailing up his thigh…

 

“Sorry.. We’ll take this slowly. Okay?” Jaemin removes his hand from Renjun’s thigh and sets it on the wall. He presses a kiss to Renjun’s temple and pulls him from his leaning position against the wall and into a hug.

 

“I love you, Jaemin.”

 

“I love you too, Junnie.”

 

“I wish we could stay like this forever.”

 

“Me too.”

 

And Jeno couldn’t help wishing that they didn’t stay like that for any longer than they already have. He feels his heart crumbling by the millisecond. It was unfair. It was unfair that Jaemin had Renjun and Renjun had Jaemin and they were happy without him. He misses Jaemin, how the younger would chirp his name in class, push him aggressively into the lockers, cuddle him to sleep on rainy nights, a time when Jaemin was his and _his_ only.

 

_Find someone better, he says._

 

Jeno desperately wishes that he could be a part of their happiness. How is he supposed to find someone else who would drown him in so much love? Sweet words just flowed out their mouths like how honey drips off of a spoon and Jeno wasn't a part of any of it.

 

_No one will be able to replace you, Jaemin._

_Don’t tell me to find someone else._

 

The only thing dripping right now are Jeno’s tears.

 

…

“Jeno?”

 

Jeno wakes up from his nap on a school library desk. It’s how he wanted to spend the rest of his lunch: no more staring longingly at _freaking_ Jaemin and Renjun making out on the rooftop and feeling sorry for himself.

 

“Nana?”

 

“Are you okay?”

 

Jeno blinks again, expecting to see Jaemin staring back at him. But it’s not Jaemin.

 

“Hyuck? What’s up? Why are you in the library? You’re never in the library dude..”

 

“And why are you sleeping in the library, _dude?_ ” Hyuck says mockingly. “Mark-hyung’s here working on college apps. I’m just keeping him company like the good boyfriend I am.”

 

“And what did you wake me up for? Lunch ends like 10 minutes later..” Jeno yawns.

 

“There’s a party tonight that I wanted to go to.”

 

“You got invited to a.. Party?’

 

“No, dumbass, Mark-hyung did. Some seniors asked him to go.”

 

“That’s even weirder to be honest.. Mark hates parties.”

 

“Exactly. SO you’re coming with me.”

 

“Why didn’t you ask Jaemin or someone ELSE who would enjoy parties more than me..?”

 

“Aw Jeno man, you are really no fun.” Hyuck starts whining, and Jeno gives in.

 

“Fine. But we’re not drinking.”

 

…

 

Jeno puts together something that seems at least somewhat appropriate for a party - some black ripped jeans and a random band tee, topped with a navy windbreaker and some sneakers and hops into Mark’s car, who offered to drive him and Donghyuck to the party.

 

“Hyuck, is that eyeshadow?” Jeno whispers once he’s in the back of the car.

 

“Shhh… you’ll distract his driving.” Donghyuck whispers back from the passenger seat.

 

“What?” Mark and Jeno say at the same time.

 

“We’re here.” Donghyuck has his face glued to the window, trying to see if there’s anyone he recognizes.

 

“Have fun stay safe drink responsibly.” Mark lists out.

 

“We will, hyung. Don’t worry.” One step out of the car and Jeno immediately regrets his decision to come. He spots Renjun and Jaemin in the distance.. A familiar tuft of- _wait is Jaemin’s hair pink?_

 

…

 

1 shot.

 

And Jeno feels fine. He wasn’t sure if he could feel any sadder anyway.

 

2 shots.

 

Jeno realizes that he actually really hates the taste of whatever the hell he was drinking.

 

4 shots.

 

Jeno loses Hyuck at this point.

 

6 shots.

 

A few more after (he also loses count) and Jeno decides that he is going to be responsible and stop drinking. He sets down his cup of vodka-infused punch _or whatever_ and walks around to look for Donghyuck. There are a lot of people who vaguely resemble or remind him of Hyuck and Jeno is sure glad that the alcohol hasn’t done its job yet. He catches sight of Hyuck in the distance in the middle of a bunch of dancing humans and begins to make his way over.

 

“Jeno?”

 

“Huh?” Jeno suddenly freezes at the sound of his name and turns around. Jaemin has Renjun clinging onto him and muttering random Chinese words.

 

“He uh.. Might of had too much to drink and is uh..”

 

“SHut yoUr biG fat Mouth you stupidhead or 我会把你掐死!” (I will kill you) Renjun takes an uncoordinated swing at Jaemin’s head and Jaemin blocks it by grabbing his hands.

 

“Uh…” Jeno doesn’t know if he should help or run because Renjun was quite scary when drunk.

 

“Can you help me take him back to my house? His parents can’t see him like this.”

 

“I’ll call an Uber.”

 

“Okay.. let’s get him to the door.” Jaemin hoists one of Renjun’s arms over his shoulder and motions for Jeno to do the same. Jeno obliges.

 

“Why are we leaving I wanna staaay!” Renjun wails out.

 

“Injunnie I think you’ve had way too much to drink. Let’s get you home.”

 

“我不想回家! Put me down..” (I don’t want to go home!)

 

They manage to get Renjun into the car and squeeze into the backseat. Renjun topples over onto Jeno’s side and his hot breath is tickling Jeno’s neck.

 

“Mm.. Jaemin have you been working out your arm got wider~” Renjun says softly into Jeno’s ear, which sends shivers up his spine. He then begins stroking his arm, and Jeno wishes he flatlined right there and then. He looks over at Jaemin, who’s trying to stay awake but is failing.

 

Jaemin looks like he’s had a good amount to drink as well - face reddish even in the darkness. _Probably more than me_ , Jeno thinks.

 

…

 

After Jeno and Jaemin finally got (read: dragged) Renjun onto Jaemin’s bed, the two sit down on the couch downstairs. By now the shots have actually kicked in -  at least for Jaemin - and Jeno isn’t sure if he could control his feelings anymore. Jaemin was all over him.

 

“Jeno~ “ Jaemin rolls his name off of his tongue as he climbs over him, which forces Jeno to lie on his back. “I missed you, baby.”

 

“Jaemin.. You’re drunk.. “

 

“I know I am but what are you?”

 

“I’m also drunk…”

 

“Hello ‘also drunk’ I’m Jaemin!”

 

“Uh…” He feels Jaemin’s hands wandering and then his lips on his neck. Jeno closes his eyes and relaxes into Jaemin’s touch. So familiar yet so foreign.. It felt like ages since they last did this..

 

He tangles his hand in Jaemin’s freshly dyed pink locks and kisses the boy.. Hard.

 

“I love you so much..” Jeno mutters incoherently.

 

“I love you too, Jeno.” Jaemin gasps out in between kisses, to Jeno’s surprise.

 

Oh how he wanted sober Jaemin to say the same. How he wished Jaemin actually loved- loves him.

 

…

 

Jeno wakes up shirtless, covered in hickies, with a searing headache, and a terrible case of feeling sorry for Renjun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -_-  
> The title of this chapter is so misleading hehe


	20. Always, my love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He doesn’t quite remember what happened afterwards.  
> The last thing he remembers is Jeno incoherently muttering “I love you so much..”
> 
> What did I reply with?  
> It felt like a dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jaemin's POV (starts off past tense)  
> Title is taken from lyrics in Beautiful Time

Jaemin is popular to whatever extent high school popularity goes. He’s sociable, handsome, and has a way with words. That should be a good thing and it usually works to his advantage but..

 

It means that people like to gossip about him and the people he decides to associate himself with.

 

It’s alright.

 

He doesn’t let it get to him. Usually.

 

He was slowly sipping the nearly black (with 4 extra shots of espresso) coffee he picked up on the way to school in the morning when he’s approached by a group of seniors who notify him that there’s a party happening that night. He shrugged it off with a ‘maybe,’ and then he was on his way to class.

 

He finished his coffee by the end of first period, and tossed it on his way out of the classroom. Renjun was waiting for him by the lockers.

 

“Jaeminnnn gooood morning!”

 

“Injunnie, good morning to you too!” Jaemin smiled at his _adorable_ boyfriend, who seemed to be in a cheerful mood.

 

“Hello! What’s up?”

 

“Oh nothing much. I got invited to some party but..” Renjun’s eyes lit up at the mention of the word ‘party.’

 

“But?”

 

“I don’t think I’m going.. I want to spend my weekend with you.”

 

“I’ve actually never been to a party before. Is it fun?”

 

“Kind of but I’d rather-”

 

“We could go together!” Renjun exclaimed, clearly excited.

 

“Uh.. I don’t know. Parties are really loud.. I don’t know if you would enjoy it. Actually..” Jaemin scratched his head.

 

“Nonsense. If Chenle says they’re super duper fun then there is no way it could be THAT bad!”

 

“Uh.. okay. Sure.” There was no way for Jaemin to say no to his sweet boyfriend when he seemed that eager.

 

…

 

“How does one get ready for a party?” Renjun asked while sitting on Jaemin’s bed, as he swings his legs out of habit.

 

“You just try to dress nicely but not _too_ nicely.”

 

“But you always look nice~”

 

“So do you.” Jaemin chuckled.

 

“Not as nice as you do.”

 

“Oh please. Do you see my hair right now? I have an inch’s worth of root growth. Unfortunately I don’t have time to go to the salon to get this fixed before the party.”

 

“Actually.. I could dye it for you.”

 

“Really? Wow Junnie! That’s so cool! You can draw and DO hair?” Renjun giggled.

 

“Well yea.. Kinda. I’ve watched a few Youtube videos. It can’t be that hard. Anyway, if it turns out well I’ll dye mine too! That is.. If you don’t mind being my test subject.”

 

“I trust you.” Jaemin shrugged. “Even if you mess up there is no way I could get mad at you, Injunnie.”

 

“Oh okay.. Do you have hair dye in your house?”

 

“Yea.. I have some bleach and purple dye I use as toner.”

 

“Great!”

 

…

 

Jaemin’s hair came out a bright bubblegum pink - which was surprisingly nice. Not the ashy light brown they were aiming for, but the pink tone complemented his features nicely. Renjun’s jaw dropped after he blow-dried his hair to completion.

 

Dressing for the party was easier than Renjun thought. Jaemin threw on a green bomber jacket, a white t-shirt, and some dark-wash jeans. He styled Renjun in a navy hoodie and ripped black jeans and then called one of his senior friends to give them a ride. Jaemin laced up his black combat boots and then they were out the door. The entire process took about 8 minutes.

 

…

 

The party started out fine. People greeted Jaemin left and right, occasionally acknowledging Renjun, who looked lost being led through the crowd. He clenched Jaemin’s hand harder, terrified of being left behind somewhere.

 

“Are you okay?” Jaemin shot a glance behind him.

 

“Y-yea.” Renjun squeaked.

 

A few more minutes into the crowd and some dude handed Jaemin a drink in a red solo cup.

 

“What’s in it?” Jaemin asked the guy.

 

“Vodka. And some punch. But mostly vodka.” The guy gave Renjun a nod and then offers him a cup. “Bro, you want some too?”

 

“He’s o-” Jaemin started to say, but Renjun took the cup.

 

“Great! Well I’ll see you both around!” The guy left, and Jaemin gave Renjun a weird look.

 

“You sure you want to drink? It’s pretty strong.” Jaemin said as he took a sip. Jaemin looked concerned as Renjun gave the cup a sniff, immediately scrunching up his face in disgust.

 

“Wow.. that’s strong. It smells like paint thinner.. Holy..” Renjun took a small sip and closed his eyes to process the taste.

 

“Maybe you shouldn’t drink.. Renjun!” Renjun took another sip.

 

“It’s not that bad.”

 

“If you say so!” Jaemin shot Renjun another worried glance and then took his hand again.

 

…

 

10 minutes later and Jaemin was dragged into a game of beer pong.. But with that same vodka-infused pun- _more like punch-infused vodka._

 

Jaemin could feel his head starting to get heavy. After his game, he couldn’t find Renjun anywhere.

 

“Renjun? Injunnie?” He called out.

 

…

 

Jaemin spotted Renjun over by the wall, with some senior hitting on him. He ran over, furious.

 

“Sorry man, but this one’s taken.”

 

“Excuse me?” The guy growled, annoyed. “Are you his boyfriend?”

 

“Yea I-” Renjun suddenly jumped on Jaemin, wrapping his arms around him and planted a giant wet sloppy kiss on his mouth.

 

_His breath tastes like alcohol.._

 

“Gross.” The guy grimaced and then walked away, to Jaemin’s relief.

 

“Injunnie.. I think you’ve had too much to drink.”

 

“没有呀” (I didn’t)

 

“Junnie I can’t understand you..”

 

“我饿得不信” (I’m so hungry)

 

“Junnie! Speak Korean!”

 

“Korean boys are like so hot!”

 

“...”

 

“Jaemin is so hot.. like uh.. So hot. EVERYONE. I HAVE A HOT BOYFRIEND!”

 

“.. Renjun.. Let’s get you home..”

 

“I want to do him like one of 我的画” (one of my drawings, presumably he’s saying he wants to draw Jaemin, but let’s just enjoy the joke)

 

“......” Jaemin took Renjun by the arm and dragged him as far as he could to the entrance of the house.

 

“Jeno?”

 

…

 

Back at his house with Renjun safely tucked in his bed Jaemin let his muscles finally relax on the couch. He is joined by Jeno, who looked equally exhausted. Alcohol flowing through his veins and inducing a new boldness, he felt an overwhelming urge to hug the boy..

 

_It’s been a while.._

 

“I missed you baby..” he cooed.

 

“Jaemin.. You’re drunk.. “

 

…

 

“Jaemin..”

 

“Mm..” Jaemin traced a hand along the curve of Jeno’s waist. “Take your shirt off..” and Jeno did. He traced his hand along his waist again, this time feeling the bare skin.

 

“Jaemin.. That tickles!” Jeno started giggling. “Stop! Hah!”

 

“Make me~” Jeno grabbed a fistful of his hair, pulling him downwards and smashed his mouth against his.

 

“Jeno-yah..” He moaned softly into Jeno’s ear. “You’re so rough..”

 

He doesn’t quite remember what happened afterwards.

The last thing he remembers is Jeno incoherently muttering 'I love you so much..'

 

_What did I reply with?_

 

It felt like a dream.

…

 

Jaemin isn’t ready to wake up. His head burns and his stomach churns and he woke up snuggled right next to _freaking_ Jeno on the couch and not in his bed with Renjun in his arms.

 

_Ugh…_

 

And Jeno is shirtless. Not that Jaemin is complaining but he didn’t have time to appreciate the view. He had to cover up whatever the f-ck happened last night and fast. He yanks himself free from Jeno, stirring the boy from his sleep. He returns quickly and tosses a hoodie towards the couch, which lands right on Jeno’s face.

 

“Mmm.. What time is it?” Jeno mumbles as he dozes off again.

 

“Time for you to get your ass up… put the hoodie on.” Jaemin starts his coffee machine and then runs upstairs to his room to shower. He turns the temperature of the water quite high, just as he likes it.

 

Around 5 minutes later, he walks out changed in a black turtleneck and some jeans, with a towel on his neck, just as Renjun woke up.

 

_Wow I had no idea how fast I could shower under pressure.. Crisis averted._

 

Renjun sits up sleepily and yawns. Jaemin’s sweater fits oversized on him and his sleeve flops around.

 

“Jaemin? What day is today?”

 

“Saturday.”

 

“Am I in your house? What hap- OW my head!” Renjun suddenly gasps out in pain, sighing and then laying his head back down on the pillow. Jaemin hops on his queen-sized bed and crawls over to Renjun.

 

“Do you want to cuddle?”

 

“Yea but… I really want like a pancake or something right now. I’m staaarving!” Renjun throws the covers aside and wobbles to the door. Jaemin blushes at the sight of Renjun in his oversized sweater, the hem hitting around mid-thigh, draped softly against his pale legs…

 

_WAIT A MOMENT RENJUN ISN’T WEARING ANY PANTS!!!!_

 

Jaemin sprints so fast that he almost falls down the stairs. He tries to grab Renjun but is a bit.. late. He manages to catch Renjun by the entrance to the kitchen, right by the doorframe. Jeno is making breakfast, softly humming while he fries some eggs.

 

“Morning Mr. Na! What’s for breakfast..” Renjun yawns again.

 

“Huh?” Jeno turns around at the sound of the unexpected voice.

 

“Lee Jeno????”

 

“Injunnie? Um..” Jeno’s eyes travel down to Renjun’s bare legs and then back up to meet his eyes. His face turns bright tomato and he whips his head back around to the stove. Renjun feels Jaemin turn him around and push him back up the stairs to change.

 

…

 

After a very quiet and awkward breakfast, Jeno decides to head home. Jaemin walks him to the door.

“Bye.” Jaemin says rather coldly.

 

“Jaemin…” Jeno’s voice is reduced to a whisper, and he motions for Jaemin to come closer.

 

“I’m sorry.” Jaemin whispers back.

 

“I know.” Jeno wraps his arms around Jaemin’s back and presses a kiss to his forehead. “Maybe…”

 

“...”

 

“Maybe we just weren’t meant to be.”

 

Jaemin could feel a stray tear roll down his cheek as Jeno gives him a meek smile and then gently closes the door.

 

_I broke you. Didn’t I?_

_I threw away everything._

_But I didn’t mean to._

 

_…_

 

Renjun is waiting for him in his bedroom. Jaemin does his best not to break into tears but as soon he sees Renjun, he scoops the older from the bed into his arms and cries. All the events from the previous night hit him like a slap in the face. Guilt was smashing his heart to pieces..

 

“Rennn-jun I-I.. IIIII’m sooo soo s-sorry I didn’t mean to!” Jaemin lets out a loud sniffle and Renjun rubs his back.

 

“Shhh.. It’s going to be okay.” Jaemin knows that Renjun's lips were probably pressed into a small smile from the sound of his voice. 

 

And Renjun’s innocent expression only added to the pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actual parties are terrifying.  
> And this was a painful chapter to write. Both emotionally and physically.
> 
> Like this was the longest one yet... and I'm sobbing again..


	21. It's fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeno thinks he’s going to be okay.  
> He has one friend left who really really cares about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi my readers.
> 
> I am back after a giant ass hiatus. I should be writing a lot more now that my courseload is diminishing.  
> Leave a comment because this chapter is about to complicate things hehehehehhehe :))))))
> 
> ENJOY!

_He’s okay._

_But I’m not._

 

Jeno knows this because he still sees Jaemin and Renjun everyday in class. Jeno knows this because he sees them laughing as if nothing happened at lunch. Jeno knows this because he sees Jaemin not even making an effort to ignore his presence in dance practice.

 

_How can he pretend that nothing happened?_

 

Jaemin looks happy. Happier without him.

 

_Whatever. Just another day without him. You can do this._

 

Days and days pass and Jeno forgets what day of the week it is anymore. (And so do I, the author…)

Jaemin’s hair is back to brown and Jeno doesn’t know why he dyed it back.

 

Why should he care?

 

_Chenle rebleached his hair after it turned green anyway. It’s just hair. Who cares?_

 

Jeno made sure to comment on how nice Chenle’s hair looked in front of Jaemin. Jaemin didn’t even bat an eye.

 

_Sigh…_

 

…

 

Jeno honestly doesn’t know what to do anymore. At some point the days just add up and feel more and more tiring. It’s hard to pretend you’re fine when you really are not. It’s hard to sit with the same friends you used to treasure.

 

Now it’s hard to treasure any of them when they have absolutely no idea what you’re going through.

 

_They all took his side anyway._

 

Jeno shakes his head. They are still his friends. He can’t imagine betraying them. It would just be nice if he could talk to someone about how he felt.

 

“Jeno? Are you okay?” Jeno snaps out of his trance to find Donghyuck waving in front of his face.

 

“I’m okay. Thanks, Hyuck-ah.”

 

“Is something bothering you?”

 

Jeno looks around and realizes that they are alone at the lunch table. The others must have finished eating and left already.

 

“Where’s Mark-hyung?” Jeno asks out of sheer curiosity.

 

“He went to cram for something. Test next period.”

 

“Ahh. Hyuck, can I tell you something? It’s really important..”

 

“Sure, Jeno. We’re good friends, you can tell me anything.”

 

“Can we go outside?”

 

…

 

“So what I got out of what you said was.. That.. You feel alone?”

 

“Yea, kind of. Like everyone supports Jaemin and Renjun but honestly, Jaemin really pulled some shit and did a number on me.”

 

“Ah.. I see. Have you ever thought about it from Jaemin’s point of view though?”

 

“Why does everyone always say that? I have.. I have- I always have! I always thought about Jaemin’s feelings.. I f-cking loved him!!!”

 

“...”

 

“I think he just didn’t want to hurt you. Jeno-yah…” Donghyuck looks concerned, and hand combing through his hair, scratching it in frustrated thought.

 

“Well he did.” Jeno looks down at the ground, kicking a few pebbles he noticed.

 

“Think about it this way. Jaemin met someone he fell in love with. And he didn’t want you to feel like you were being used or left behind.”

 

“But I do feel left behind!”

“... You know, Jaemin thinks you’re his best friend in the whole world. He really didn’t want to hurt you. It was just bad timing and all.. You know.. With Renjun transferring and all.”

 

“Yea.. why did Renjun have to transfer. I hate him.”

 

“No you don’t Jeno.. I know you don’t.” Donghyuck sighs.

 

“Yes I do! He took Jaemin away from me!”

 

“You don’t really believe that, do you?”

 

“...”

 

“Maybe he was in love with you at some point. I don’t know..” Jeno looks up and stares right into Donghyuck’s eyes.

 

“Maybe he was.” Jeno is about to cry.

 

“But now he’s not. And he broke your heart, I’m sorry.”

 

“But if he loved me at some point, he wouldn’t have left me all of a sudden just like this. He was mine.. And I was his.. And..”

 

“Jeno, he wasn’t yours to begin with.”

 

“...”

 

“Don’t you get it? Jaemin is free to make his own choices and if he f-cked up that’s on him. Don’t blame yourself or anyone else for what he did to you.”

 

“Didn’t you say before that Jaemin deserves better than me before? What made you change your mind??” Jeno can’t believe his ears.

 

“Jeno.. I judge my friends based on their actions.. People make mistakes, I get it. I will always love you all…”

 

“..”

 

“I was angry at you for using me to get to Jaemin’s head.. And you for trying to manipulate him through jealousy.. That’s all.”

 

“Oh. Okay. Then why are you taking my side now?” Jeno mutters defensively. “Why do you think I did that then?”

 

“I get it now, Jeno. Jaemin was two-timing you guys. Okay? I’m sorry I didn’t realize it sooner. It still doesn’t excuse you from using me to make him jealous but I kind of understand now.” Donghyuck looks conflicted, and Jeno’s expression softens.

 

“... I’m sorry Hyuck… I really am.”

 

“I know. I’m sorry I didn’t realize what Jaemin was doing sooner.”

 

“Are we okay now? Like completely?”

 

“Yea.” Hyuck says while reaching over for a hug.

 

“Yea.” Jeno affirms, arms wrapped tightly around him.

  


Unbeknownst to both of them, was a very confused Mark Lee (who gave up on cramming) staring intently.

…

 

For a while Jeno thought everything was going better. Whenever he felt down he had Donghyuck to talk to, and he felt the most happy he had in a while.

 

Instead of spending his weekends alone he would invite Hyuck to the cafe or the park. They’d talk about school, Jaemin, plans for the summer, and even Hyuck’s relationship with Mark.

 

“Markie-poo hates it when I call him Markie-poo do you think I should stop calling him Markie-poo?”

 

“Uh.. probably?” Jeno tries to stifle his laughter but lets out a chuckle.

 

“BUT I LIKE CALLING HIM MARKIE-POO!?” Hyuck whines.

 

They felt so close - Jeno would even call Donghyuck his new best friend. Not one with benefits, but a R E A L best friend.

 

Then Renjun’s birthday came. Jeno doesn’t expect an invite but he gets one from Renjun anyway. It’s a simple party (held at Chenle’s house because it had a pool) and everyone is friendly to him, even Jaemin. No animosity at all. Jeno felt incredibly relieved.

 

“POOL PARTY!!!!” screams Chenle and Jisung while they cannon-ball into the pool, splashing nearly everyone.

 

As a joke, Jeno pushes Hyuck into the pool and dives in after him.

 

“Yah! Jeno! What the heck!?” Hyuck screeches after he resurfaces from the water, splashing Jeno who has landed beside him. Jeno loudly laughs and starts splashing him back. Mark rolls his eyes and continues cooking the hot dogs.

 

“WATER FIGHT!!!!!” Renjun screams as he and Jaemin cannonball in to join them.

 

For once, things were back to normal.

 

...

About a month passed.

 

He gets wished Happy Birthday by everyone in person and Mark (who he didn’t get a chance to talk to that day) on social media. At least they somewhat care. Jeno is fine with that.

 

He doesn’t have a big party - a small dinner with all his friends and his hyungs there.

 

“Hyuckie? Where’s Mark-hyung?” Jeno asks, looking around the restaurant.

 

“I don’t know. He was supposed to come, wasn’t he?” Donghyuck looks around. “Let me call him.”

 

“Okay.” Jeno agrees. “He might not get any cake if he doesn’t show up soon.”

 

“Markie? You there?” Donghyuck puts the phone on speaker.

 

“Hello? Hyuck-ah?” Mark grumbles.

 

“Hey, you’re on speaker. Aren’t you supposed to be at Jeno’s birthday party right now?”

 

“.. Yea I know. I came down with something today.. I’m sorry Jeno, I couldn’t make your party.” Mark mutters, almost monotone.

 

“It’s okay hyung! Rest well! I’ll see you tomorrow!” Jeno says in response.

 

“Hyuck can you come over?? I’m really sick -- a a a a achOOOO!” Mark sneezes into the phone, creating a loud sound.

 

“Mark.. I can’t just ditch the party!” Donghyuck whines.

 

“Hyuckie, it’s okay, you can go attend to your boyfriend. Here, bring him a slice of cake!”

 

“Hyuckie.” Mark repeats hostilely. “I don’t feel so well…”

 

“No, I can’t Jeno.. you guys haven’t even sung Happy Birthday yet..” Donghyuck says hesitantly.

“It’s alright, please take it.” Jeno does his eyesmile, and Hyuck has no choice but to oblige.

 

“Bye Mark, I’ll be back soon.” I love you.”

 

“I love you too, Hyuckie.” Mark emphasizes the ‘K’. “Happy Birthday Jeno.”

 

Mark hangs up, and Hyuck offers a sheepish ‘goodbye’ and then is out the door.

 

Jeno shrugs and then continues with his party. Everything was fine.

  


...

 

The Snapchat stories of his “friends” having fun start to add up, but Jeno doesn’t really mind. Most of the time it’s just Jaemin and Renjun anyway. His friends could hang out by themselves. Jeno isn’t worried at all.

 

Sometimes Jeno is invited and sometimes not. It’s fine. He understands. It might be awkward to 5th wheel/7th wheel... what the heck?

 

“Chenle? Wanna hang out?”

 

“Sorry, I have a date with Jisung tonight.”

 

“Aww cute!!!”

 

“Shut up hyung!”

 

“Have fun kids! Use protection!” Jeno laughs.

 

“HYUNG!!”

 

“Anyway, have fun! Bye Lele~”

 

“Bye..” Jeno hangs up.

 

Yea, Jeno has better things to do than crash his friends’ dates, after all.

 

…

For some reason, these days, everyone seems to be busy. Mark is always cramming during lunch (Seriously? Doesn’t he have senioritis? When does Mark cram?) and Jaemin, Renjun, and Jisung are no where to be found. Chenle has apparently joined a new club of some sort.

 

So Jeno resorts to eating with Hyuck everyday instead. They talk and laugh and everything is fine.

 

“Hey, did you listen to the new Blackpink album?” Jeno shows Donghyuck his phone.”

 

“LET’S KILL THIS LOVE HELL YEA I HAVE!!!!” Donghyuck squeals.

 

“My favorite is Don’t Know What to Do. I can sorta relate to it. And it’s super catchy even though it’s sad.”

 

“Oh yea I like that one too!” Donghyuck leans closer to watch the music video playing on Jeno’s phone. Jeno at Donghyuck, who is nestling on his shoulder.

 

“Jeno-yah, why is your heart beating so fast?”

 

“I don’t know, why is yours beating so slow?”

 

Both of them erupt in laughter and then continue watching the video.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Until one day, Hyuck is gone too.

 

‘Where are you?’ Jeno texts and all he gets is a ‘busy.’

 

And Jeno feels all alone again.

 

...

  


“Hey Hyuck! It’s me, Jeno.”

 

“Hey..”

 

“Do you want to hang out tonight?”

 

“Y-.. wait let me check um…” A faint chatter could be heard on the phone. “No.. um.. I have homework, sorry..”

 

“Is Mark-hyung with you?”

 

“Um..” A pause. “ yea?”

 

“Uh okay.. Can I talk to him? It’s about chem..” Jeno could feel his heart racing. _Something is wrong._

 

“Markie is um.. In the bathroom right now. He’s uh…” More faint chatter. “Umm… Pooping? Yea.. he’s taking a massive shit.”

 

“HEY!!! I AM NOT TAKING A MASSIVE SHIT!!!” Jeno hears Mark yell within rather close proximity of the phone. Donghyuck would have to be right next to the bathroom- no.. inside the bathroom with Mark.. What?

 

“Uh.. Jeno?” Hyuck sounds nervous.

 

Jeno would have decided he didn’t want to know what was actually going on until he heard loud laughter erupt in the background of the call.

 

“I hafta go now.. Sorry!”

 

Hyuck hangs up before Jeno can reply.

 

…  


Jeno thinks he’s going to be okay.

He has one friend left who really really cares about him.

At least, he thinks he does.

  


Ah who is he kidding? No one is on his side.

 

And he doesn’t even know why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ouch poor jeno  
> also btw, I saw nct127 in newark


	22. It's not my fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hyung… It’s not that simple. Please, listen to me!” Hyuck pleaded, about to cry.  
> “Simple? What’s simple is that we are dating, and he is trying to take you away from me! I haven’t seen you in ages because of exams and this is what he does?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I'm back, again.

 

 

 

> “Jaemin and I were still very much involved right before he started dating Renjun. Not even that, he still initiated things while they were dating..” Jeno stated bluntly.
> 
>  
> 
> “Oh.” Hyuck felt a cold realization creep up his spine. “Huh.”
> 
>  
> 
> “I don’t know why I reacted the way I did but god I really thought..” Jeno took another breath. “I really thought he loved me you know?”
> 
>  

***

 

Donghyuck stares at the ceiling of his bedroom. He can hear the shower running. He turns to his side.

 

_I can’t sleep._

 

***

 

 

 

 

> “The weather is really nice these days huh? Man, I love spring!” Donghyuck sing-songs down the path of the park while Jeno cooed at some ducks in the pond.
> 
>  
> 
> “Oh yea hey, thanks for letting me borrow your hoodie the other day! It’s really warm~” Hyuck reached out to give it back to Jeno.
> 
>  
> 
> “You can keep it. I have plenty at home. It suits you better anyway.”
> 
>  
> 
> “Really?”
> 
>  
> 
> “Yea.”
> 
> Jeno smiled at how Hyuck’s eyes lit up when he said that, and then directed their attention back to the pond.
> 
>  

***

 

Hyuck hears the shower stop.

 

***

 

 

 

 

> Earlier that day, Donghyuck sat on Mark’s bed silently, wondering why Mark has barely said anything.
> 
>  
> 
> “Hyung? Do you want some tea?” Hyuck asked. “What about some watermelon?”
> 
>  
> 
> Mark answered ‘Yes.’ and ‘No.” and Hyuck would have just nodded and gone back to being quiet but Mark refusing watermelon was a first.
> 
>  
> 
> “Mark-hyung? Are you mad at me?”
> 
>  
> 
> “Kind of.”
> 
>  
> 
> “What do you mean ‘kind of?’”
> 
>  
> 
> “You know exactly what I mean, Hyuckie.” Mark muttered with his arms crossed.
> 
>  
> 
> “Mark?”
> 
>  
> 
> “Take off Jeno’s hoodie you cheating bastard.” Mark said sternly.
> 
>  
> 
> “What? I can’t believe.. You think? What?” Hyuck scoffed. “I’m not cheating on you, I would never do that in a million years?!”
> 
>  
> 
> “Take it off. What is wrong with you, Donghyuck, I thought we had something special, after all this time.” Donghyuck inches forward towards Mark. Mark stood his ground, with his arms still crossed.
> 
>  
> 
> “We do.. Mark… I-”
> 
>  
> 
> “He still wanted Jaemin after Jaemin started dating Renjun! Does he just like intruding on other people’s relationships or what?”
> 
>  
> 
> “Hyung… It’s not that simple. Please, listen to me!” Hyuck pleaded, about to cry.
> 
>  
> 
> “Simple? What’s simple is that we are dating, and he is trying to take you away from me! I haven’t seen you in ages because of exams and this is what he does?”
> 
>  
> 
> “No Mark.. hyung.. Please.. I’m not cheating on you I just… Jeno needed someone to talk to.. I’m sorry!” Donghyuck wailed out, clinging to Mark’s shirt.
> 
>  
> 
> “Hyuck, I think we should take a break.” The vessel above Mark’s eyebrow twitched ever so slightly.
> 
>  
> 
> “Nononono! Please give me another chance! I won’t hang out with Jeno anymore! I promise! Please don’t go! I love you Mark!” Hyuck started bawling.
> 
>  
> 
> “Alright, fine.” Mark replied, looking annoyed, but then his expression softens.
> 
>  

***

 

_Jeno is our friend._

_How do you go one second from hating him to forgiving him to hating him again?_

 

To be honest, Hyuck knows he did the exact same thing. But he’ll make sure it won’t happen again. Because he knows the truth now. He’s right this time.

 

_Mark…_

_Mark is just jealous._

 

Mark lifts up the blanket and curls up next to Donghyuck.

 

_This is all Jaemin’s fault._

 

It’s funny how the rest of their friends turn a blind eye to excluding Jeno.

 

_It’s really funny._

 

Especially when Renjun said “Oh. Is he not supposed to know?”

 

_Really funny._

 

 

 

> “Who was on the line?”
> 
>  
> 
> “Jeno.”
> 
>  
> 
> “Wait a moment. He’s not here..”
> 
>  
> 
> “Yea.”
> 
>  
> 
> “Oh. Is he not supposed to know?”

 

_Yea, really really funny._

 

_It’s so unlike Mark to act that way._

_What did Jeno even do that was so wrong?_

 

“I’m sorry, Hyuck.” Mark says as he wraps his arms tightly around the younger’s back on the bed.“I didn’t mean any of that. I was just mad. Like, really really mad. Like I’ve.. I’ve never been this mad before. I know you're not cheating on me, I'm sorry for accusing you. I'll treat you to ice cream tomorrow if that makes you feel any better."

 

“Okay,” Donghyuck shuts his eyes and pretends to sleep until he hears Mark lightly snoring.

 

Then he opens his eyes and stares at the ceiling some more.

 

_Water._

 

Donghyuck passes by the living room where Chensung are passed out on the couch while Jaemin and Renjun are curled up on the loveseat of the sofa.

He hears a light rustle.

 

_Jaemin is not sleeping so soundly either huh._

 

 

* * *

 

The longer Jaemin stayed with Renjun the more it made sense.

The way he and Jeno depended on each other was just unhealthy.

They were comfort for each other yet the way they interact is not right.

He didn’t let go completely. It would be a lie to say that Jeno’s words didn’t sting.

 

But Renjun helped him get over it.

 

 

 

 

> _“You care about him a lot. I can see that. But you don’t love him. And that’s okay.”_
> 
> _“Pretending you do won’t do you or him any good, Jaemin.”_
> 
> _“Let it go,”_
> 
>  
> 
> He said.

 

_This detached form of thinking really doesn’t suit me at all._

 

It wasn’t even Jaemin’s idea to not invite Jeno.

Hell, even if things were awkward Jaemin wouldn’t do that.

It’s cruel to take him away from the rest of his friends.

If things were awkward Jaemin himself probably wouldn’t show up anyway but an invite is still basic friendship decency..

 

To be fair though, it is Mark’s house, and not Jaemin’s decision.

  


When Jaemin sees Hyuck tiptoe past the living room, sighing, he wonders what the heck happened when things were starting to resolve.

 

_Well whatever it is this time, I didn’t do it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you again soon :))


End file.
